RandomBrandon.com Random Brandon Adamson

I saw that movie “garden state” today. I sort of enjoyed it. At times i found it to be a little too uncomfortably close to home. Then again maybe that’s WHY i enjoyed it to begin with. I was a little put off by the ending though. Let’s just say it would have turned out differently if i had wrote it.

So who needs a time machine when we’ve got the weekend?

There’s nothing left in Phoenix that’s worth my time. I was thinking about it the other day, and i’m really scraping  the bottom of the barrel here when it comes to well, fun in general. I will say this though, being exiled to this place (for my previous crimes) these past 3 years with my stubbornness i think i’ve somehow managed to avoid what is known as the tempe taint. i never had sex with any of the “known whores”(despite any rumors that persist) or became one of the many dirty scuzzy guys that make up 99 percent of the population of this city.

I must move back to Los Angeles.

I look forward to so many more of the following types of classically remembered conversations

Gia: So i don’t get it. Why are you calling and hanging out with that girl if you like the other girl?
Brandon Adamson: Because it increases my chances of seeing the other girl without seeming like i want to.
Gia: Wow, it’s really interesting to get the perspective from the other side.
Mark Schoenecker: No, no, no, Gia you don’t understand. This is Brandon… this is a WHOLE NOTHER SIDE!

01. My mom named me after the main character in a sleazy romance novel:

“The Flame and the Flower” by Kathleen Woodiwiss

On her way to London, an orphaned beauty is mistaken for a lady of the night and must be rescued from attack by dashing sea captain Brandon Birmingham who discovers her true identity, and together the couple sets sail for the high seas and a life of passion -from amazon.com

02. I am an only child
03. My parents got divorced when i was three
04. I prefer illusion to reality
05. A girl once told me i could bullshit my way into anything
06. I haven’t seen my dad in 6 years
07. I change my mind about the girl i like constantly
08. I will lie, cheat, and steal to get a girl cause it’s for a good cause
09. I’d be a decent boyfriend if i ever got the chance
10. I’m a megalomaniac
11. I’m a hypochondriac
12. I have a crush on a new girl every week, but the one i really adore tends to stay the same for a long time. the others are just mirages
13. I’m a cancer
14. I’m a minimalist
15. I can always get the girl, but i never get to keep her
16. I have lived in 12 different places in the last 8 years
17. I have been screwed over by a lot of girls
18. I have screwed over a lot of girls
19. I was in two gap commercials that never aired
20. My mother’s name is Pamela
21. I always root for the underdog
22. i’m probably moving back to Los Angeles for good in about two months
23. I don’t like to get pervy with a girl unless she’s my girlfriend though i reserve the right to change my mind about this.
24. I get jealous easily
25. I want my life to be like a fairy tale
26. I can be shy
27. I was on the basketball team in grade school
28. One of my cousins was “bastian” in the movie “the neverending story”.
29. The actors i tried to look like when i was a kid were Jonathan Brandis(now dead) Christopher Pettiet(also now dead) and Edward Furlong
30. i was a skateboarder for 8 years. i even once had a part in a skate video and the song i chose for my part was Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancin’ in the Dark”. Don’t ever ask to see it. it has painfully dated fashion (mid to late 90′s)
31. i fell asleep at the mall today for 2 hours in a chair.
32. one time while waiting in line at the department of motor vehicles a girl came up to me and said “i just wanted to tell you you look really innocent in yellow” (i was wearing a yellow shirt.)
33. my stepbrother was the guitarist in a well known heavy metal band in the late 80′s called Acrophet. They were signed to triple x records and put out several albums. After the band broke up in 1992, he went to medical school and became a doctor.
34. As if naming me after the character in a romance novel wasn’t enough, my mother gave me my middle name “douglas” after her cousin whom she always had an incestuous crush on.
35.The first time i ever made out with a girl was in a tent in the woods playing “spin the flashlight”.
36. I have very few long term friends. i tend to drift from group to group for short periods of time.
37.I’m versatile
38. Junior year in high school i had a crush on a girl on the pom pom squad so i got rid of all my skater clothes and completely changed the way i dressed and signed up for the football team and started going to jock parties so i could get to know her. My friends all accused me of selling out. Which i did, but it paved the way for my big “comeback” later on.
39. I once got a job at abercrombie and fitch to meet regular girls at the mall.
40. I once worked for a telemarketing company that made me use a fake jewish name so i could solicit money from jews.
41. I own the entire 3rd and 4th series of garbage pail kids
42. I used to hunt deer with a bow and arrow
43. My grandparents killed themselves in a bizarre murder suicide that made news headlines for several weeks.
44. My dad owned a popular night club in the late 70′s early eighties. Blondie once played there.
45. I like Ace of Base
46. I like the girl everyone hates
47. I like dorky girls
48. i do whatever i want
49. i have two hickeys on my neck that seem as if they will not heal for the forseeable future.
50. I have my father’s eyes, my mothers jaw, and the idiosyncracies are my own. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors.