Archive for July, 2009

and the further outside, the darker it gets

July 27, 2009

I don’t like to go out much anymore because I’ve come to think it’s mainly an unproductive waste of time, but I’ve started making it to some of the newer Phoenix “DJ nights.” It’s almost a whole new generation of people, with nary a familiar face(which is both good and bad.) On Saturdays people seem to go to Black Forest Mill on 52nd st and Indian School. The night is called “Cheap Thrills.” The guys that run it know how to put on a great party. I try to have a good time when I go, but its certain i don’t belong in these times and places. Back in the days of “Hot Pink” and before that “Panic” and before that the L.A. nights I used to frequent, I used to know 90% of the songs,(assume a slight margin of error in that estimate) but now at these newer events I don’t recognize a single jam. In fact I can barely even detect when one song ends and the next begins. It’s just straight up mechanical dance music with a bunch of remixes of various genres all hodgepodged together and run through a zillion computers. It’s just very inhuman, and somehow must be related to the general depersonalization personified in the newer generation. Almost every single person who attends these events is unapologetically sleazy, with the remainder being merely apologetically sleazy(ie they regret it the next day.) In my observations the people have absolutely no loyalty to one another and go home with whomever. They just sort of go with the flow and have no qualms about anything. The whole thing has sort of “dark side of free love” ambianic feel to it. When I was a kid in the late 80′s there used to always be that commercial where the guy said “I love disco, and I hear it’s making a comeback!” Well, a few years ago my friend Lawrence and I were talking about music trends and said that disco was now coming back except that it would be “disco with balls.”

I was never as huge fan of disco as someone like Whit Stillman, but I would have to say I prefer it in it’s older, melodic, romantic… dare I say “castrated” form.

I’ve been trying to go to more random places to broaden and get out of my element a bit. Phoenix is a huge city with millions of people, yet everyone just knows the same 50 people. Surely there are interesting people out there somewhere if we seek them out and give them a chance. Or like that episode of the The Twilight Zone are people really alike all over?

I’m running out of room to room in my room

July 23, 2009

The operative word being “room.” I need more of it. Need less stuff in it. I need to clean it. I have tons of clothes that I want to get rid of, but of course it’s all jackets and stuff so I can’t sell it this time of year. I think I will just donate it all or something.

I keep thinking I should buy a place, but it’s like then I would just be trapped there. I swear for such a reclusive guy who never really goes anywhere, I sure like to keep my options open. I don’t know, but I’ve saved up to buy cars and stuff before, where after I bought it I was like, “I wish I didn’t just buy that. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to buy that because I will need the money for something else.” So maybe I’m just learning from past mistakes. Aldous Huxley said “Experience teaches only the teachable.” Perhaps in the future time travel is possible, but only in a “psionic” sense whereby brainwaves and thoughts can travel, but not actual humans…and it’s my future self attempting to create an alternate time line. Doubtful, for if that were the case, I would have(will have?) gone back a lot further. It’s hard to pinpoint where my life started going downhill, but every time I think I have it figured out when it happened, I remember something traumatic which happened before that, and then before that and so on. I’m pretty sure everything was a-okay until age 4 though. I can’t remember anything negative before then. Wait, actually I can. My earliest childhood memory in fact is of my parents screaming at one another before they got divorced.

Tonight the light of love is in your eyes…but will you love me tomorrow?

July 23, 2009

Such a classic…what makes the song so powerful is the “implied answer.”

When this song comes to mind I always remember the slow dance scene in “Big Wednesday” that takes place at the party, with the much older friend Sam Melville(Bear) looking on sadly realizing his time has come and gone.

You mean you have to use your hands?

July 18, 2009

It’s depressing…
Many moons ago when I moved here I used to listen to kool 94.5, which was the valley’s premier oldies station(and a damn good one!) To me, what constitutes “oldies” is the music from the period of the 50′s and 60′s, but slowly over the last few years I started noticing the so called “oldies station” playing newer and newer stuff right up into the new wave jams of the 80′s. Now I understand their rationale of course…since the 70′s and 80s are now a long time ago, it is now considered old music. It is much like that scene in Back to the Future II(featuring a young pre-pubescent Elijah Wood!) where the Nintendo game Wild Gunman has become an antique in the year 2015. “You mean you have to use your hands?! That’s like a baby’s toy!” Also many of the people in the age demographic nostalgic for songs from the 50′s and 60′s are aging and have been dying off. There is just less of an ad market for that crowd. Supply and demand etc etc.
Basically kool 94.5 at this point plays mostly 70′s rock and some 80′s.
So I started exploring the dial a bit and for the last 2 years have been listening to AM 1440 Arizona Gold, which was a terrific little AM oldies station until a couple months ago when out of nowhere the format changed to sports talk radio in the evening and cooking shows in the afternoon(they still have some oldies dispersed unpredictably throughout the day.) Virtually the same thing happened with AM 1480, which was the only other station I liked. It played lounge music form Dean Martin, Sinatra, Linda Ronstadt etc.
until it was up and replaced without warning when “liberal talk radio” returned to the station. I actually began listening to sports talk radio show, and learned quite a bit about a lot of stuff I’m not interested in, and I even sat through some of liberal talk radio to see if I was missing any variables in my equations which I inevitably am….but I enjoy oldies music and always have. When I was 16 and got my first Ford stationwagon, I only listened to the oldies station(which I attribute to both the influence of my reading of “Stephen King’s Christine” my freshman year of High School, and also the effect of listening to many 60′s cassette tapes with my mom on the way to my many Catholic grade school basketball games.)

You might be reading this and thinking “Why not just get an MP3 player or Ipod, dock it in your car and listen to whatever goddamn music you want?”

Fair enough, but one of the great things about the radio was the unpredictability of what song was going to be played and the romanticism of a song coming on at just the right moment, setting off the endorphins in your brain. There was also that by patiently suffering through a few songs you weren’t fond of, that you might actually discover a new song. These days people have little patience, and will change the channel in two seconds something doesn’t grab their attention instantly. It reminds me of that book The Closing of the American Mind for it is only by forcing yourself to sort through some things you may not like, that you can discover new things that you will. Most people these days seem to lack that sort of discipline. In fact, self discipline and tedious lonely work, are simply no longer valued in today’s society. If one has doesn’t have to ever encounter anything but what confirms they are looking for, why should they bother having to be be bothered by unpleasantness, which brings us to another book, “Brave New World”

I guess I wasn’t trying to make that much of a statement here other than just to say that in a city as large as Phoenix, where there are like 18 stations playing Mexican Mariachi music, a bunch of right wing talk demagogue stations(and even a liberal station… two liberal stations if you count NPR, a plethora of sports stations, a boatload of ghetto hip hop and r and b stations, a couple of 70′s 80′s working class rock stations, and the generic mainstream modern pop stations that play that song “somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend…etc” and other computer generated market researched music….

can’t we have one station in a city this big that plays Bobby Darin’s “Beyond the Sea” or the Dovell’s “The kids in Bristol are sharp as a pistol when they do the Bristol stomp?”

I guess I will start listening to some other stations and see what they might have to offer. Maybe I will actually learn to enjoy listening to golf on the radio, or soccer moms talking about recipes for crowned rack of lamb.

“When the winds blow and the rains fall and the sun shines through the clouds he still resolves as he did then, that nothing so fine ever happened to him or anyone else as falling in love with Thee-my dearest heart.” -Richard Nixon

July 14, 2009

So i just finished reading Richard Reeves’
President Nixon: Alone in the White House, and it really is a terrific book. What’s especially refreshing is that the author doesn’t editorialize too much and more or less presents the information in neutral terms leaving the reader to draw his own conclusions(though it is still annoyingly biased in some parts.)

I’ve always been a huge admirer of Richard Nixon. I even did my “hero” report on him in the 6th grade (much to the horror of my left-wing teacher!) I know that as a republican you’re supposed to be all about Reagan, but Nixon was really more my kind of guy. He was an introvert in an extrovert’s business. He was socially awkward and didn’t like to be around people or talk to them too much.
Sure, he was conniving and paranoid, but he was a true leader, a real man of determination.
Pierre Rinfret, who died in 2006, had
had this to say about him
While he disappointed conservatives from time to time, he almost always knew exactly what could be realistically achieved and made it happen and always had a bigger picture in mind. People can say what they will about him, but the republican party sure could use someone with his brains rather that conjuring up more of the likes of Sarah Palin.

Nixon’s biggest fault was psychological, a poor self image. Most of his crimes were basically unnecessary campaign overkill (they were also not unusual for the times and had been made routine in the Kennedy and Johnson administrations.) He would have been reelected easily,(and was anyway) but he did not believe people could love him on his own merits because he did not love himself. So he felt he had to crush his enemies and falsely manipulate events in order to be liked.
But he was wrong, people did love him and some of us still do.. even though we grew up long after the fact and were educated to believe he was a disgrace. Even in death he still manages to “reach over their head and directly to the people.”

One thing in the book that is quite astonishing is that Nixon had correctly guessed that Mark Felt was the informant “deep throat.”

I’ve been thinking of reviving(the late?) Russ Braley’s
Nixon loyalist site

indecision 2009

July 11, 2009

I can’t decide whether to buy a house here or not. I’ve been pre-qualified by a lender and have been shopping around, but of course if I buy a place I am simply stuck here, etc. Psychologically, I hate the idea of being stuck anywhere.
I have a ton of money saved and could basically move anywhere, but the economy is so bad right now that to move anywhere would drastically reduce my standard of living and could lead me back into the hole it took me years to dig myself out of(one which I’m sure many people would wish I crawl back into!)

I have also accumulated quite a bit of stuff here, the likes of which I would never be able to cram into cheapjack studio apartment with a hot plate.

what to do. what not to do

I take “dram”amine, you take “drama”mine

July 11, 2009

So I went to San Diego some months ago but have been too lazy to post about it. It was a terrific trip. We went to the beach in La Jolla, where there are a ton of little crabs (who apparently enjoy the taste of lollipops?)

Everyone made fun of me though for sleeping so much in the car due to my taking dramamine. Then Shannon and I got into an argument about how it was pronounced. She insisted that it was pronounced like “drama”mine because she heard it that way in The “Modest Mouse” song. I contended that it was pronounced like “dram”-amine because my stepdad was a doctor and that was how he had always referred to it. Anyways when we went in to the grocery store to buy some, we couldn’t find it so she went to ask someone where it was and when she came back she had this embarrassed look on her face and was like “I asked the pharmacist where it was and he called it “dram”amine.”
My half-joking response to her was always I take “dram”amine, you take “drama”mine (the insinuation being that she’s dramatic.) These types of statements never go over well by the way.

San Diego really is a great city. I’ve never really liked the kind of people in Phoenix who say they love San Diego(spring breaker college types,) so I never though much of the place before. I personally like La Jolla(or anywhere remotely near that area) and also Hillcrest, but
I can’t’ afford to live in either of those places unless it was in a dilapidated shack or some other form of squalor(and even then it would be stretch.)


I remember feeling every bit as exhausted as I look


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