Lately it seems I’m like a magnet for attracting wack girls. As usual though when it comes to the ones that I’m actually interested in, the polarity is reversed. Now I know what you’re thinking, and it’s along my line of thinking.
Maybe you’re a douchebag, and that’s why you attract these types of broads. BUT this hypothesis begins to fall apart once you consider that if I were in actuality a wack dude or douchy guy…my ideal girls would be falling all over me the way the glob onto the riff raff they’re currently head over heels for. Maybe I should employ reverse psychology and start driving a big ol’ brodozer, sporting a hairy beer belly, and wearing shorts as it might positively alter relations with those in my target demographic. But alas, I’ve seen enough Tales From the Crypt episodes to know how that story ends. Anyway I should probably just pipe down and play it cool which usually works well in any situation but is easier said than done.
Not that I haven’t been having any luck, just no luck when it comes to what, where, and with whom I’m having luck with. That last sentence sounds like something Lucky the Leprechaun would say….try reading that as if it were within the context of a “Lucky Charms” cereal commercial circa 1984 possibly in reference to purple horseshoes.
I’m thinking about growing a beard again. I haven’t really rocked one since about summer 2005, which was a dark time period. I don’t mean like a “grizzly adams” or some wacky “wizard” kind of beard though…homey don’t play that. I just want a little beard…like some rugged mysterious guy that you’d see in an erotic thriller(starring shannon whirry preferably) or an episode of Zalman King’s “Red Shoe Diaries.” (I can just hear David Duchovny’s voice giving the intro about some abstract ambiguously perverse thing that I’m about to experience.) Someone somewhere must be reading that last remark and just licking their chops to bust out with a “that’s what she said” through their computer monitor. It may even be me, and yes I do occasionally use the phrase “that’s what she said” in reference to something I just said when talking to myself.
I started to want to grow a beard again after recently re-watching “Erik the Conqueror,” a violent costume drama from 1961. It made me want to lift weights a grow a beard, both of which I have begun to do. When I was buying a 5 pound dumbbell from Target the checkout guy was all jokingly like “So are you gonna get huge?” and I was all “well, gotta start somewhere.” Just wait 6 weeks is all I can say.
Erik the Conqueror is an Epic 1961 Italian Action/Adventure film directed by Mario Bava and starring George Ardisson and Cameron Mitchell as long-lost Viking brothers in the 9th century; one of whom is raised in England, the other in Scandinavia. They finally meet after almost 20 years, as rivals on opposite sides of an English-Viking war. It is a loose remake of the American film The Vikings.
So no I’m not going for a George Clooney type thing, but more along the lines of Tony Curtis in “the Vikings”(I was partially inspired the 1957 photo of him from the filming of “The Vikings” which is in his autobiography.)
And with the arrival of a beard, beard dandruff can never be far behind.