So this girl that I briefly dated’s cellphone always calls me randomly from like her purse or something. And the situation ended kind of badly, so it’s like I see her name pop up on my phone and I get excited about the possibility of reconciliation…only to answer the call to the sound not of her voice but of make up bags jostling around in her handbag. It’s like a mirage! Here I am, alone in the desert…I’m dying of thirst and crawling in the sand. A tumbleweed just blew by and hit me in the face. The immediate area is awash with rattlesnakes and quicksand. Up ahead in the distance I think I see water so I start to get a hot flash of optimism, but wait it’s not water! Its….
a 5 minute voicemail which consists of an overheard bar conversation of her giving her number to some random dude. How painful is that to have to listen to? The guy sounded like a complete doofus, too. They have an unremarkable conversation which ends in equally unromantic fashion.
girl: Is it okay if I give you my number?
doofus: FUCK YEAH!
Then when the guy goes to give her his number she starts to grab her phone and that’s when she must have noticed it had called someone(me), she says “oh my god” and that’s when the voicemail abruptly ends.
I can assure you that if the movie “Better Off Dead” would have been filmed in the 21st century rather than a time when cellphones were the size of bricks of cheese and only used by doctors and lawyers as opposed to teenagers….it would have featured some variation of this absurdly tragic scene.
I found myself thinking “Really? Did this just happen? Seriously?”
And now I have the Tommy James and the Shondells song “Mirage” stuck in my head…which has been a recurring theme for me since about 1997:
I see you standing in the alleys and the hallways
Wait a second, you’re gone now
I run to touch you but you vanish through the doorway
And oh how
Hard it is to live without you
I love everything about you
Now I know you’re really gone
But my imagination is so strong
That I see you coming into view
And your face is telling me that you
Oh yeah oh, want to be by my side
Oh yeah oh, now it’s finally time
Wait a second
Mirage, that’s all you are to me
Mirage, something I only see
So I keep walking through the alleys and the hallways
Where are you
I keep remembering the kissing in the doorways
The car too
How it all comes back to me
The movies every Saturday
The place we used to go to eat
I want so much to have it like it used to be
That I see you coming into view
And your face is telling me that you
Oh yeah oh, want to be by my side
Oh yeah oh, now it’s finally time
Here it comes again
Mirage, that’s all you are to me
Mirage, something I only see
Just a mirage, that’s all you are to me
Just a mirage, something that I only see
Just a mirage, that’s all you are to me
Just a mirage, something that I only see
Tags: alone in the desert, bitterness, cellphone, cellphone drama, cellphones, doofus, mirage, mirages, pocket called, pocket calls, romance, romantic interests, the unluckiest person in the world, tommy james and the shondells, traumatizing, unlucky
