Whenever I hear a girl say “I want a man, not a boy,” I can immediately disqualify myself and know she’s not the one for me. I’m out. This doesn’t pertain to any specific situation…but occasionally in my discussions with a girl over her romantic life I make a mental note of our own potential compatibility. Who doesn’t do that? Anyway, I’m not into breaking stuff, yelling a lot, doing yardwork, and telling a girl stuff like “look, this is what you’re cooking, and this is what I’m eating.” I get road rage, but that’s as far as I’m going.
So yeah, when I hear a girl say “I want a man, not a boy.” It’s not that they’re offering but still, no thank you….or as Al Bundy would say “no ma’am!”
Posts Tagged ‘peter pan syndrome’
Tin Drum
November 7, 2010absurdity personified
March 27, 2010If you were a jar of peanut butter what brand would you be? Peter Pan
If you were a cheese what cheese would you be? Monterey Jack
Stupid questions perhaps…but these are the sorts of things I keep asking(sometimes answering) myself and others. Lately I have this thing where when I’m walking around I see ordinary objects, foods etc and I see them as people..or which people would be which food. It was a leap I took from thinking about which person would be which character in some forgotten movie if our real life story could somehow relate in some obscure reaching way.
“If this were “The Good Son”, I’d be Elijah Wood and not Maucalay Culkin.”
the response: “Ha I don’t get it”
but it’s as if to say “Sure everyone thinks I’m a creep because I come off all awkward and wrong, but that other person that everyone thinks is so terrific and charming is the one who’s actually evil…and you’re like the mother who has to decide which arm to let go of on the cliff”
So as I stroll down the aisles at Target while occasionally becoming briefly distracted with stealing an annoyingly necessary biological glance at some attractive girl’s feet(or just falling in love for a second of eye contact) I find myself seeing familiar faces in shower heads and searching for myself amidst all the imported cheap junk out there in the world.
If you were a goldfish cracker what flavor would you be…..?
Extra cheddar of course.
no luggage, merely a carry on
January 26, 2010“Excuse me sir, will you be checking any luggage?”
“No, just a carry on…I don’t have any real baggage,
only a chip on my shoulder that I take everywhere I go”
“Oh I’m sorry sir, we can’t let you through security with that…it makes you seem too creepy to the other passengers and it will make them uncomfortable, the females especially.”
“Well why should I be punished for someone else being unable to distinguish between my nonexistent yet perceived creepiness via the chip on my shoulder along with my well documented peter pan syndrome(and possibly undiagnosed asbergers some would say) vs. the all too real trauma and tomfoolery soon to be unleashed upon their unsuspecting hearts by actual real life versions of creepy dudes. “
“Sir, that’s not our policy. Nobody cares, and you’re holding up the line. Please move along before I have to call security.”
So one of the great things about going out now is that I hardly recognize anyone. Years ago I had accumulated so many enemies and animosities in social circles that it would make attending a party or going to the bar the equivalent of an unpleasant psychological stress test. I would always have to worry about running into people that I didn’t want to see, avoiding certain areas places and rooms because I had simply accumulated too much baggage. The good news is 99% of those people are long goners, and so I’m in a sense “a free man.” The sense of freedom does not last so long as I’m already beginning to accumulate new baggage. However, I’m not the same person I was back then as I’ve learned to appreciate the humor in such circumstances which balances out some of the anxiety which in turn mitigates what would have once been panic and sheer horror. Seriously. I used to avoid entire regions of the city to not have to run into ex girlfriends. I once referred to downtown Phoenix as “North Vietnam” because a girl I had dated lived there and every once in a while I would get roped into going to the area by a friend for a show at Modified or maybe a trip to Bikini Lounge, and I literally felt like I was deep in enemy territory and could be tortured, sniped, maimed or have to see her at any given moment!
Fast forward to the now.
The trade off is of course that you’re on your own. That person who you used to dread having to small talk with was at least someone you knew, a familiar face and one of your own. At least when you ran into your ex-girlfriend out with a random dude and experienced the humiliation of knowing you couldn’t even get a girl who couldn’t even get that guy…
I mean at least you all watched the same cartoons when you were kids(“High up in the trees we’re the Monchichis, Monchichis!”) and you didn’t feel like some rogue time traveling secret agent here to spy from another generation.
Now you just stand there all creepylike and like a vampire hoping to use your acquired powers of charm to suck the youth out of someone to keep you feeling young a while longer. That reminds me, I’ve often wondered if vampires would have trouble getting served alcohol since they live so long that bartenders would not believe their IDs were valid.
“Sorry pal, but you don’t look 720 years old to me!”
The trade off is one I accept of course. Getting in the mix and making friends with the new crocodiles is all part of the deal. No excess baggage, just what I can carry on.
with a heavy heart
January 13, 2010What is it about sadness that feels so good?
That sensation of a heavy heart, where you feel like hanging it up…not with some lengthy diatribe or manifesto but with a simple note along the lines of “just couldn’t catch a break.” which brings to mind a certain scene in “Hotel New Hampshire.” Why have I learned to love the emotion of sadness and melancholy so much? I think that it just brings me back to adolescence and makes me feel young again. The feeling of waiting by the phone for someone to call or looking out the window waiting for someone to show up…who never does. The next morning looking back fondly at the innocence of having expected them to call or show up in the first place those first few moments when it still seemed possible.
Bringing yourself back to an equivalent moment of disappointment in the past still brings you that much closer to the time just before that when optimism and the naive anticipation of endless possibilities still ruled the day.
ancient times in any event.
The endangered species carousel
December 18, 2009Went to Zoolights on Tuesday night at the Phoenix Zoo. When we walked in, immediately somebody(a zoo employee) took our picture, and they were like “you can pick up the photo on the way out,” but we were so surprised that there was no way either one of us was going to want to see what leprositic looks of terror on our faces that were captured on digifilm. Something of a poor man’s paparazzi, it was a schlock and awe tactic to say the least. We did not retrieve the picture upon exit.
The dancing trees light show is amazing. We watched it 3 times. There was an energetic older man who video-recorded the entire thing on his camera and showed it to us…which mostly just made me think how I need to get married so that I don’t end up like one of those lonely wandering old men who spend their time people watching in public places and chatting it up with young strangers. But alas, I know it is to be my destiny.
They have a Komodo dragon exhibit now. As I’ve mentioned before, the Phoenix Zoo keeps getting better all the time.
While I was recovering from surgery a while ago, I read a copy of “Peter Pan” which had been given to me as a gift for xmas 2007 with the inscription “to the boy who will always be my Peter Pan.” Well as we all know…Wendys come and go, but Peter Pan remains in neverland…so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.
I will be going to Las Vegas again in January for the annual Consumer Electronics Show and staying at The Flamingo. Last time I was in Vegas I won some money…would like to win some more. Just need to find myself a nice “White Ice” slot machine.
50 more facts about Brandon Adamson
June 6, 20061. I am an only child.
2.I have an excellent memory. I can often remember events even more vividly than the people who were actually there.
3. When I was a kid I was a typical imaginative 80′s loner boy (think the kid from “Time Bandits”). I read a ton of books as a child, everything from greek mythology and Choose Your Own Adventures, gihugic english textbooks to mad magazine. I attribute most of my personality to these early influences(in addition to 1980′s HBO movies).
4. I’ve been called a narcissist, but really I’m just a guy who wants to relax and play super nintendo.
5. I’m a very shrewd businessman.
6. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in god or any of that nonsense.
7. I’m a republican I’m pretty sure that my conservatism can be traced to watching Michael J Fox in “Family Ties” as a little kid.
8. I’m mostly obsessed with working on music, writing and various creative things. Everything else I consider to be just killing time.
9. I mostly go everywhere by myself. A lot of people think this is weird, but I like to go shopping and stuff and just daydream while I do it, and I just don’t have much need for human contact. When I was a kid I used to play basketball by myself, and I would play as both the teams, and keep score in my head. Sometimes I made up elaborate tournaments with many different teams, and played as all of them myself.
10. I grew up in a giant old house with 14 bedrooms. The entire third floor I had all to myself, and I would just stay up there and play nintendo, and read. We had an intercom system in the house that my mom and stepdad would yell at me through. My stepdad used to call me “Howard Hughes” because he thought I was such a hermit. It was meant to be derogatory but as I got older more and more I began to take it as a compliment.
11.I used to go deerhunting with a bow and arrow with my dad. I have a strange nostalgia for this.
12. Another reason I go places by myself is that I can never find people who want to do the same things I want to do regularly, but rather then give up, I just do them alone.
13. In the 6th grade I did my “hero” report on Richard Nixon. I came to the conclusion that he was the best leader the United States had ever had. And like the line in the song “Sweet Home Alabama” says Now, Watergate does not bother me. Does your conscience bother you? Now tell the truth…
14. I like girls who are lonely, clingy and aggressive. I don’t ever go for the girl who’s in high demand, because I know she’ll always be too busy to really get close to. I go for the girl who’s not in high demand, but that I feel deserves to be. So often when it’s between two people, we choose the wrong one. I’m kind of at the point where I choose none of them.
15. I have an amazing collection of garbage pail kids. Thousands upon thousands, many in laminated plastic cases. They’re at my mom’s house in Pennsylvania.
16. Once I make up my mind that I like you, I’ll like you even if you don’t like me. I don’t mean that in a romantic way even, just in a friend way. Lots of times girls have hated my guts and thought I was the biggest creep, but I always said nice things back hoping eventually they might understand, and sooner or later they decided I was all right.
17. I think objectively. I’m so objective that when someone doesn’t like me, I can totally understand why. Sometimes I get into debates with people, and I end up arguing the other side’s viewpoint better than they can. Most people see things as “only they have the answer and everything is just the way they see it”. I don’t see it that way.
18. I’m always fighting with girls ever since I can remember. I tend to really gamble with them and say things and push the envelope. A lot of people have had to apologize and make excuses for me over the years to keep me from getting my ass kicked as a result of something I’ve said to a girl.
19. I only stop hating my ex-girfriends when I don’t like them anymore.
20. I’m more of an asshole than I am shy. The other day I was at a restaurant eating and minding my own business when a girl started talking to me. After saying a lot of flattering things, she said “I swear I’ve never seen someone look so uncomfortable in my life”. but in my mind I was thinking,”Hey, I just want to eat my lunch, and I wish I could throw a fork at your head to make you stop talking, but then I would go to jail and make a scene and I was well raised and have good manners so I’ll just act mildly annoyed and maybe you will go away”. Occasionally i lose my temper and just have it out with these kinds of “unsolicited talkers”.
21. I’m currently reading “The Man Who Folded Himself”. It’s a 70′s sci fi novel about a guy who time travels and ends up meeting tons of different versions of himself, and even having sex with some of them. I discovered it on the $1.00 shelf outside the book store on Mill ave.
22. I like things that get a lot of bad reviews, because most people are two dimensional, so if something is rejected by the mainstream, even if it is truly bad, it must at least be interesting.
23. I’m terrified of relationships, because I’m always afraid that one might actually work out, and that would be the end of all my dreams because I’d just end up getting married or something.
24.I don’t like most people. I don’t have all that much respect for human life.
25. The city of Phoenix and I have a mutual understanding with one another. Neither of us takes the other one seriously.
26. I like to give girls hickeys. I guess it’s because girls like to pretend when they’re in public that they’re not slutty, while secretly they’re slutting it up. So if you can leave some kind of mark on them that makes it harder for them to go about their daily charade with a straight face. I let them do it back to me though and they always do it 10 times worse.
27.I also kind of have a foot fetish.
28. I love to dance. I love dancing with friends. I love dancing with randoms.
29. My new line is “You’re not even old enough to remember when I used to give a fuck”
30. I’m mostly nice.
31. I like internet friends. They’re not really real, but sometimes you think about them or stuff they write, and it’s just weird. It’s this strange new medium that is having unknown psychological effects on all of us.
32.I love to lay around in my room and watch movies and listen to records.
33.I have this new way of determining whether someone’s relationship will work out. If I see a girl who’s attractive and looks remotely interesting, and she’s dating a guy who I consider to be wack. Then their relationship will probably succeed.
34.I’m very observant. I often get hung up on details.
35. The one thing all my ex girlfriends have in common is that they all got fatter and happier after we broke up.
36. I would never date a girl who had a kid. I mean how can we be partners in crime? Can you imagine Bonnie and Clyde with some carseat in the back? It turns into “Raising Arizona” and basically just ruins the whole ambience.
37. I’m really into girls who are straightforward and make the extra effort.
38. I would have made a great dictator because I value loyalty over ability.
39. I reciprocate.
40. I’m notoriously cold. One time when I was in class, this girl was doing a presentation on divorce and in the middle of it she started crying uncontrollably because apparently her parents had been divorced, and the whole classroom was silent, and I just started laughing out loud and they all looked at me like I was the biggest jerk in the world, but I just couldn’t understand why she thought it was such a big deal. I mean if you can’t deal with something as trivial as divorce in the family, what good are you to the human race as it faces real challenges like space colonization or saving humanity from itself? And yes I recognize the irony in that statement.
41. I love to eat. I’m the hungriest kid.
42. I like to make out.
43. I’ve come to the conclusion that 11:11 wishes are an ineffective tactic in romance.
44. I’m a misogynist.
45. Most people always try to change things about their personality that they perceive as bad. But I’m totally fine with my idiosyncracies. I just go with it. That bothers some people.
46. I often question conventional wisdom. I sometimes think the South should have won the civil war.
47. I used to want to join the french foreign legion. Then I realized that the French no longer have much of an empire. It used to be you could go to romantic places like algeria and indochina and die in battle. Nowadays you’d probably just end up in Chad or some other ragtag third world country bored out of your mind.
48. I have road rage.
49. “I know, like I don’t know, you know? it’s cool.” This statement pretty much sums me up.
50. who cares…
