Posts Tagged ‘phoenix’

Running The Gauntlet

October 24, 2011

Just last week l was reading this article.
lt talked about flying.
Said we’d all become just like cattle.
Trusting our lives to people we don’t even know.
Like pilots. Said we do it all the time.
Then we get our heads bashed in. . .
. . .like cattle, for being so trusting.

A couple months ago, I picked up a DVD of Clint Eastwood’s 1977 movie, “The Gauntlet,” which was shot mostly in Phoenix. I hadn’t seen it since it was on UPN one afternoon in the summer 1996, just a few weeks after I moved here. I remember at the time being excited and feeling a sense of pride that Phoenix was my home, and that the film was set in what was now essentially my hometown. Indeed upon re-watching it, I noticed various downtown Phoenix landmarks are visible in the background. Hanny’s can actually be seen in a skyview during one driving sequence.

“The Gauntlet” is a pretty solid film up until the last couple of minutes, with it’s hyperdramatic, highly implausible ending( I find it hard to believe that hundreds of cops would just stand there silently, idly watching while the police commissioner and a supposed fugitive argue and shoot each other at point blank range.

The remark about air travel made by the waitress in Las Vegas reminded me of the nature of my own reservations about flying. It’s the fact that while it’s statistically safer, you have absolutely zero control over the outcome of the situation. It’s like buying a reverse lottery ticket with the jackpot of a horrifying death. While you’re much more likely to die behind the wheel, to some extent you can trust your own instincts and defensive driving skills, to give yourself at least some small amount of leverage to tip the balance.

I’ve always felt a similar, slightly less ambivalence toward mass transit. Though you may be in a heavy traffic, or construction environment when driving a car, you have control over the ambiance of your immediate environment(volume of the radio, level of peace and quiet, whom or what is sitting next to you.) I’ve ridden the bus several thousand times in my life, and besides the fact that it doubles or triples the travel time to any destination, the worst part about it is always the plethora of irritating and ill-mannered people you have to share it with. I sit in silence trying to avoid unsolicited talking as well as block out all of the loud and obnoxious banter from oblivious people who don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about the riding experience of anyone else. Once on a bus ride from Los Angeles, two ghetto teenage girls sat behind me discussing their multiple miscarriages the entire length of the trip. “I told my man he needs to start wearin’ cause I don’t wanna be gettin’ pregnant again.” One time on a West Hollywood city bus, the driver pulled over while a muscular Russian guy fought a drunken homeless black guy that had been harassing the other passengers. People who always talk of the great train systems in Japan and Hong Kong, don’t seem to realize that when attempting to duplicate it here, we would not have the luxury of riding it with courteous and intelligent Asian people(not even taking into account the “groping” incidents women frequently endure in these countries’ rail cars.)

I had a good experience the one or two times I used the Los Angeles subway to get to the San Fernando Valley(it was fast, and there was almost nobody on it) though one might question the wisdom of building an underground railway system in an area that is built on a famous faultline and therefore highly susceptible to potentially massive earthquakes.

Personally I would rather that cities incorporate strategies to limit or reduce the overall amount of people, rather than working to attract and accommodate large increases in uneducated people, herding everyone into cattle cars and virtually eliminating individuals’ control over their own personal space and travel experience.

In theory, I’m not really opposed to the idea of public transportation. I enjoyed the monorail at Disneyland as much as the next kid, and would gladly set aside my idiosyncratic reservations and fears if I were able to ride something remotely 1960′s/70′s futuristic to work everyday. Riding the contemporary city bus or light rail feels more like Soylent Green than 2001 A Space Odyssey, though.

The Phoenix of 1977 as depicted in The Gauntlet has been thoroughly transformed, yet like the film, it still retains much of it’s charm.

As with most change, something’s gained and something’s lost.

ask the dust

October 3, 2010

Jonathan and I were looking into getting a booth at first fridays for Phoestival to sell our cds, paintings and such…but for the last few months there has been no street vending allowed apparently due to some problems with getting street closure on Roosevelt. I got this email below which (sort of) explains the current situation.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: First Fridays Vending
Date: Fri, 1 Oct 2010 15:18:53 -0700
From: *****@rooseveltrow.org>
To: Roosevelt Neighborhood

UPDATE – FF STREET VENDING

There will still be no street vending nor street closure in October for First Friday.

We have been working very closely with the Mayor’s Office, PPD and local private property owners in Roosevelt Row through a new permitting structure that will allow us to organize Arts Market hubs (like a Farmer’s Market, but without the emphasis on fresh produce) on vacant lots in Roosevelt Row so we will have a sustainable, near future long term solution to the need for secured space for community events and activities including performance, arts installations, arts and crafts vending, local food/business/nonprofit tabling for occasions such as First Friday and hopefully many others, as well! We are meeting with potential sponsors to help us meet county dust proofing criteria, which is very costly but promising advances are being made at this time, and then we’ll move forward with the permitting and be up and running.

First of all, why did the city stop closing Roosevelt for First Fridays in the first place? It was great! It’s only one night a month for crying out loud, and who in their right mind would want to drive down that street when all those hordes of people are milling about.
So now the people at Roosevelt Row are trying to find vacant lots that can be used, but they will have to spend a bunch of money to meet “county dustproofing criteria,” an environmental regulation. I can think of almost nothing that would be less environmentally hazardous than people setting up folding tables and selling handmade arts and crafts, but whatever. I guess there could be a lot of dust and dirt kicked up from crowds of people walking around on a vacant lot, seriously though. It seems to me the easiest thing to do would be to go back to closing Roosevelt St. during First Fridays as it is just one street, and this would be better for everyone. Streets are closed off for endless, pointless, waste-of-money road construction projects all the time, and yet they can’t close Roosevelt for one night a month…just for a few blocks, when 10,000-20,000 people are roaming around?

1991/1661

September 1, 2010

I traded in my ’63 reissue Danelectro guitar for a ’91 Squier Telecaster at Musician’s Discount in Mesa. The Danelectro reissue stuff sounds all right. I mean the tone is decent, but it’s just made out of such cheapjack material,(made in china of course.) Anyhow I took the Telecaster to MusicBrokers and the guy there did a really good job setting it up for me. I highly recommend them. One music store I don’t recommend going to is Bizarre Guitar on 7th ave and Melrose. They have a sign on every guitar that says “do not touch” and basically follow you around the store and stare you down as if you’re going to break or steal something. It’s like that feeling you get walking onto a shady used car lot where the people are complete assholes. I can understand stores not wanting people to grab and manhandle expensive vintage guitars or Les Pauls….but they had a “do not touch” sign on EVERY guitar….like we’re talking Squier Strats here and stuff. After reading their reviews online, it seems most people have had a similar negative experience there.

At MusicBrokers you can grab any guitar you want off the shelf and check it out. The employees don’t even pay much attention to you, until you need their help. My kind of place!


Musician’s Discount: Highly Recommended
MusicBrokers: Highly Recommended
Bizarre Guitar and Drums: Not recommended

Why do I suddenly feel like I’m hosting one of those late eighties/early nineties HBO Consumer Reports specials? this being one of the more memorable ones….

mister blue

August 8, 2010

This weekend blows. Today it must redeem itself. My “date” for the prom sort of flaked out on me friday, so now I’m hanging out with martha dumptruck. Ended up at Philthy Phils dancing with an asian(hispasian?) chick who was going buck wild. I was in sort of a shitty mood so I smoked a cig even. Yeah, that’s right, a cig! These last couple weeks have been planet gay….but anyways. Last night I hung out with Jonathan who just returned from a one month break of going out…which sounds like a great idea, but I could never do it(unless i have a gf or something and this is two to three years ago.) He has a goatee now, which was the source of much humor for those around us.

Friday night drunk josh came up to me and Bill, and we gave him the cold shoulder as usual, and he was questioning why, and I told him it was because he had boner rage, and then he stormed off, and Bill mentioned that was the fastest he’d ever seen anybody get rid of him. That dude has been around forever, and is something of a homosexual legend in this town.

I’ve been trying to get into recording music in my new place, but i only end up listening to records and drinking. I need inspiration. I need romance and flowers and wind. Or maybe i just need to go to the mall more.

I have more and more suicide daydreams lately. I write up mock suicide notes in my head. What would I say? I always have these weird goals that keep me going, like “Yeah as soon as i get this done or fulfill this dream or successfully bang this girl, it’s cool if i die.”

Hah. That song “Aquarius” just came on as I’m typing this. An astrological sign perhaps. Anyone for magical thinking.

complicit in duplicity

May 20, 2010

The realm of possibilities is a ginormous place, filled mostly with things that turn out not to be the case.

So so so. Friday night I trimmed my beard so it was all symmetric like and hung out with Bill Cole and J. Sakas in Tempe. Some girls came up and wanted to meet Jonathan and I, using their gay friend as a liaison. We talked for a while, but they never followed up so I can only assume we disappointed them, and they just had a case of new guy syndrome.

Saturday night we went to the one night only Cheap Thrills at the Q. It got off to a slow start but soon was jam packed. They had Ninja Scroll playing on a projector screen outside, a movie I only remember for that disturbing, rockman rape scene. Also, I found out the hard way, that the bathroom doorknob sticks when you lock it so you end up getting essentially locked in there. I twisted the doorknob handle for dear life for about 10 minutes until luckily it magically opened. It was funny watching the same thing happen to nearly every person that went in there.

Later that night I found a full pack of Parliaments, but I don’t smoke cigs so I gave them to a cute girl…so no one can ever say I have nothing to offer. Around 3 AM the cops came and broke everything up so we had to leave. I gave Steven Christopher Wallace a ride home, and that was that.

Sunday night turned out to be the best night. I took a 6 hour nap in the afternoon, then woke up and went to Casey Moore’s where I hung out with Brooke Taylor and Laura Donovan along with a bunch of people I didn’t know. I told Brooke that I just recently figured out she was one person. I had always thought she was two different people, because sometimes she wears glasses and sometimes she doesn’t. But when she wears glasses, her entire look changes to that of a librarian or something. And then without them she looks more like party Brooke. So for the longest time I literally thought they were two completely separate people. Like I had no idea that the girl who works the door at Adult Swim was the same as the one who did Cheap Thrills. It’s like a Superman/Clark Kent thing. I only started to figure it out when I saw picture of both on her Facebook, but still I wasn’t completely sure and found myself wondering…”why does she have a picture of the other girl as her default photo…they must be really good friends.”

Monsters From the Id

May 18, 2010

So the “Stuff White People Like,” Ikea throwpillow crowd is all up in arms over the long overdue immigration bill. They are appalled at the prospect that *gasp* the police can ask for your drivers license or ID when they pull you over. Wait don’t they already do that now? Next time I get stopped by a cop who asks to see my license, registration, and proof of insurance I’m going to go to the ACLU and ask why my rights are being violated. The new immigration law will lead to racial profiling, they say. Hellooo Mcfly, anybody home? There are zillions of people of Hispanic ancestry in Phoenix, and the police are not going to be messing with anyone who speaks fluent English and has an ID card just because they look brown. Sure, cops can be assholes…but most of them are already awash in “sensitivity training” and generally would prefer not to bother with anything that’s going to create annoying paperwork for them unless it’s for a valid reason. I mentioned a couple weeks ago, that we found a Mexican dude passed out in the bushes in our backyard. The guy spoke almost no English, had no identification, and was carrying in his possession nothing but a weed pipe and a pair of women’s underwear. And I’m pretty sure the cops let that guy go and even gave him a ride home. In the cases of some of the officers who were murdered by illegal aliens, the suspects had previously been arrested dozens of times. They should have been deported long before but were allowed to remain because federal authorities never bothered to do anything. Thus a state law was passed, which simply mirrors the already existing federal law.

Who doesn’t have an ID card anyway? How backward do you have to be to be a naturalized citizen of a country and not carry any ID whatsoever?….which leads us to the unintended victims of the Immigration bill:

That’s right, prehistoric cavemen living in the mountains of the Arizona desert, and misc backwoodsmen lurking about in the deep forests of Flagstaff.

The notion that if you’re opposed to illegal immigration and favor a pro-low immigration policy similar to(by today’s standards) the almost complete moratorium on immigration we had from 1924-1965(which ushered in the golden age of America 1945-1965) …the idea that that’s somehow racist is nothing but a red herring and the product of a generation which lacks critical thinking skills and can’t appreciate historical context of anything that happened prior to 1980. People who oppose illegal immigration are not racist and not anti-immigrant. We merely support a pro-low immigration policy. Mass immigration from specific countries leads to a sort of neo-segregation as it deprives people of the need to adapt to their new country, and so they form cities within cities. They often live in completely self segregated Spanish speaking neighborhoods and have their own separate newspapers and television stations. Even the fact that so many people self identify themselves as Hispanic or Mexican is in itself a form of racialism and proof that attempts to integrate them into our society have largely been a failure.

The reason why the racism charge is also B.S. is that it fails to take into account the fact that many Hispanics are opposed to illegal immigration and support the new law. When an initiative passed a few years ago making English the official language of the state, it’s worth noting (but rarely mentioned) that 50% of Hispanics voted for it! They don’t want to self identify with a specific race. I’m of mostly Scandinavian and German ancestry, but feel no allegiance toward those nations and do not partake in any ancient grievance mongering related to their historical conflicts. The mere mention of my ancestry is generally limited to the context of complaining about how my skin can’t handle being exposed to sunlight for more than a few minutes.

And what happened to localism? Why are liberals allying themselves with transnational big businesses like Walmart and Mcdonalds? Lately it seems the left are giving Mitt Romney a run for his money in terms of how much big business cock they can suck. Ah the times they are a changin’ again. Just because some CEOs are getting rich by selling out their culture and countrymen’s standard of living, doesn’t mean that it’s better for the community as a whole. Funny how you never see the people who profit off these folks living among them in the slummy environments that they’ve created. Sure, it all looks great now when you just cash your check from a gated community, but slowly(or perhaps rapidly) the demographics are changing and the children of these folks are coming of age and voting themselves into power. It’s not because conservatives oppose illegal immigration that Hispanics vote against them(okay so maybe it pushed it from like 70% to 80%). It’s because impoverished Hispanics simply vote overwhelmingly socialist and liberal as is evident in almost all of South America. Sure, so they are conservative a on a few religious issues like abortion. Great, so we’ll have a socialist espanol speaking suprawelfare state, but with abortion finally illegal, and a resurgence in usage of the term “Christmas Tree” (as opposed to the secular Holiday Tree”). No thanks, that’s a shitty tradeoff. Liberals and gays should also not dismiss the fact that illegal immigration is often counter-productive toward many of their political goals. Poor immigrants are generally religious, culturally conservative, traditionalist chauvinists who vote against gay rights and women’s rights.

Conservative libertarians should take note that the intention of having a “free-er” market may suicidally result in just the opposite. It’s worth mentioning that southern California was once a bastion of Goldwater conservatism. Now Los Angeles is heavily democratic, and Orange County barely leans moderate republican save a few pockets of resistance. Much of this can be traced to the changes in demographics in the region as opposed to the “changing of minds.” Thus ironically. libertarianism without borders actually leads to statism.

Here is a photo of Maryvale developer “John F Long” with Ronald Reagan in 1958, selling new homes to World War II veterans.

Now Maryvale is a third world scumtown. Gee, those World War II vets must have really made a mess of the place…or could there possibly have been another culprit in Maryvale’s demise? Hmmm…

There’s something else, too. Many of these southwestern states: California, Arizona and Nevada have severe water shortages on the horizon, and yet we’re being told we need to take in hundreds of thousands of new people every year. What sort of effect is this going to have on the price of utilities let alone the actual physical problems associated with these shortages? Is this cost factored into the equation of how much money we are supposedly saving with cheap labor? And what about the environment? Just how much sense does it make to import millions of impoverished people from rag-tag third world countries into a vast metropolis in the middle of the desert? Continued population growth in these places will lead to more land development, more urban sprawl, more crummy condos and ghetto apartments, more Walmarts and Food Citys, or to paraphrase Peter Cook as the devil in the film “Bedazzled” (1967 version)

“All right, you great git, you’ve asked for it. I’ll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I’ll fill it with concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers, frozen food and supersonic bangs. I’ll make it so noisy and disgusting that even you’ll be ashamed of yourself! No wonder you’ve so few friends; you’re unbelievable!”

When a civilization becomes highly advanced it begins to take polite society for granted, forgetting about the inevitably irrepressible monsters from the id, which still exist in all of us. And the Id of course, is the part of the psychic apparatus which impoverished people, including immigrants from third world countries, most often live by.

“The Romans conquered the barbarians—and the barbarians conquered Rome. Colonization of the mother countries by subject peoples is the last chapter in the history of empires—and the next chapter in the history of the West—that is now coming to a close. -Pat Buchanan,Paris Burning

Related Reading:
New York Times Blows Chance at Major Scoop by Austin Bramwell

No single gum double freshens your mouth like….

May 9, 2010

Last night was First Friday, which started out promising. When I first got out of my car and was walking to the event, two really pretty girls who had just moved here asked me for directions basically on where to go and what to see. They were dental students and sisters which for some reason reminded me of those “Double Mint” chewing gum commercials from the 80′s because they would have been cute enough to star in them.

They were All American girls from Texas, and since they were studying to be dentists, I mentioned that they must have had good brushing habits…and also felt a little self conscious on whether they would therefore be obsessed with teeth and inspecting mine… making a mental note of any flaws or evidence of neglect.

Anyway, I told them to follow me. We walked together, chatting it up until we got to Roosevelt…but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome so I introduced myself and then was on my way. They said they hoped we’d bump into each other again in the evening which would have been a minor miracle but didn’t end up happening so the best I can hope for is that they have the curiosity to lurk me up online and friend me.

Almost immediately after that as I was walking around looking to distribute promotional materials…I managed to find 5 bucks on the ground. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty damn good about the evening so far….well that was the high point unfortunately. I met up with Jonathan, and we walked around but didn’t really accomplish any of the things we wanted to do. At the main stage, in between bands, there was a dance group that was doing a routine
vaguley reminiscent of the “In Living Color” style numbers that I remember seeing cheerleaders and drill teams perform during endless high school assemblies of the 90′s. We both decided it was time to get out of there…and we were off to spend another wastefully traumatizing evening at Casey Moore’s where nothing too interesting happened.

I was planning on attending that “Wow” party that was going on at Martini Ranch, because many of my friends were involved, and I wanted to support them. However, it was 25 bucks…and the last time I went to Martini Ranch it was nothing but Scottsdale bros and girls gone wild, with a few cougars prowling about. I kind of wish I would have wen though because I could have potentially met some new interesting people. So as it was, what I should have done is just went home immediately after finding those 5 crumpled up dollar bills on the ground, kicked back and daydreamed about time machines.

but it was just my imagination ….running away with me

May 4, 2010

adult swim 2010

The weekend was action packed. Friday night I decided to check out “Crotch Rockitt,” the night hosted by Tiffe Fermaint, Austin Head and some other dudes. Someone from “The Faint was DJing. It’s at the place (that used to be?) known as Anderson’s 5th Estate, but it seems like it’s called something else now. There were a lot of people, but the problem is the place is so big that it just never looks that full. I ran into, of all people, the attractive girl named Anna who had accidentally burned me with her cigarette the night before at Casey Moore’s. She apologized profusely, but I never got a chance to tell her that I didn’t really care and that I just used the whole minor ordeal as a cheap excuse to talk to her and that really it was a lucky thing that it happened.

Sunday was the first Adult Swim pool party of the Summer. They have it at the Days Inn this year. Last year it was at the Wyndham, a much nicer hotel, but they moved it probably so they could get away with more debauchery, play louder music…have it end later and greater etc. The alcohol was certainly cheaper($2 beers) which means I was able to get good and drunk fairly quickly. I managed to drag filmmaker Steven Christopher Wallace with me to the jam. Hung out mostly with him and a shirtless Jonathan Sakas. We went in the hot tub at an inopportune time when a bunch of cute girls were just getting out of it, and a boatload of dudes were just getting in. I know not whether we were the cause of this. Jonathan thought I needed to show more skin, but I tend to melt away into dust and bones like Vincent Price at the end of “War Gods of the Deep” when my skin is exposed to daylight on the Earth’s surface. I did take my pants off though, which was a mistake, since when we went in the hot tub, we didn’t have towels or anything so I had to put my dry clothes on over my wet body, which was very uncomfortable and caused me to have unfulfilled fantasies of being able to blowdry the damply wet seat of my pants for the rest of the evening.

adult swim 2010 phoenix

It’s always weird when you go out and recognize random people that you know online from Facebook or Twitter or whatever. You just never know if they recognize you back, so you just exchange awkward looks and never quite acknowledge one another . The internet has certainly added the dynamic of a kind of “fourth wall” in real life social situations. Very rarely is it broken as successfully the way we became accustomed to seeing Zack Morris pull it off a zillion times in Saved By The Bell(“Timeout!.”)

Adult Swim was super fun, but kind of a bust romantically(no pun intended) as most of the bikini clad women either had boyfriends or (like moths to a flashlight) were only interested in having their picture taken. I did get a girl’s number at the very end of the night though. I recognized her from the pool party last year. I have such a great memory, I remember someone’s face(if I’m interested in it) when I’ve seen it for a few moments. The reason I remembered her is because when I noticed her last year she looked super pissed to be there, and her friends were having fun, but she was just standing there. My friend and I had debated for several minutes whether we should go hit on her, but then she left unexpectedly early and I got distracted by some other drama. Anyhow this year I decided to chat her up and when I talked to her she was kind of a sarcastic bitch at first, but warmed up to me after a few minutes. At first she thought I was lying when I said I remembered her, but when I was able to describe the exact circumstances in detail I could tell she really did believe me. And thus a certain mutual bond of respect and flattery was formed. Anyway she didn’t really seem too interested in hanging out though, but hey who could blame her for that? certainly not anyone who reads this site on a regular basis!

adult swim phoenix 2010

Afterward, Steve and Jonathan and I went to Casey Moore’s where we hung out with Bree and Kelly S. and discussed a lot of disgusting and totally taboo subjects(vibrator repair, electric toothbrushes etc) but at that point all I wanted to do was go home and get out of my wet clothes and dream of lions at the zoo. On the way out of Casey Moore’s I saw some girl who was just at Adult Swim, and our eyes met like we were about to say hi, BUT then I wasn’t watching where i was going so I almost ate shit and crashed into my friend…and as we were leaving I could have sworn i heard the faint sound of playful laughter echoing off in the distance.

black forest ham

April 11, 2010

So Cheap Thrills is no longer at Black Forest Mill(which Steven Christopher Wallace always called black forest ham.) They do sell sausage there after all. That’s the end of another era. Not a particularly great era for me I would say. I had a girlfriend during the early days of Cheap Thrills, when it was only once a month and supposedly a mega craptacular jam. So I missed out on that(but wouldn’t have traded it for the great times I had with SKB during that time period.) Then after my 2.5 year long girlfriend and I finally broke up, guess where I ran into her the first time I ventured back out into the world…yep Cheap Thrills at the Black Forest Mill. So that was kind of rough. Even though we had parted on mutual good terms, it was the first time we ever saw each other somewhere where we weren’t together, and so we had no idea how to act. Plus the fact that I hadn’t gone out into the scene in so long meant that all the people were completely new and total strangers. Most of the kids I had known were long gone…except for a few holdouts and of course the infamous Phoenix DJs, who will probably be around forever. Cheap Thrills has apparently temporarily relocated to Philthy Phil’s(weird how all these places sorta rhyme isn’t it?) So anyhow, by the time I started going to Cheap Thrills it was mostly dead…but then once in a while out of nowhere it would be jam packed again in full force…usually when a band was playing or some guest DJ’s from out of town rolled in. In the end though it never really died out..and I had a pretty rad time at what would turn out to be the last one. Oh well…just another sleazy Phoenix dance party. But for all my times attending, I never scored a single makeout session and only ever got one girl’s phone number…who turned out to be a runaway bride from Alaska. In my opinion, there is no better motivator to get married, start a family or do something productive with your life than to attend these events and feel the emptiness that pervades everyone’s soul. Although, I always love to dance and occasionally grind up on some random girls. Black Forest Mill was a great venue, too…a totally 60′s mod place complete with rock walls…though I never heard any 60′s jams played there. And I know the DJ’s all play great music, and the stuff most people want to hear. I just can never get into electronic music though, as I still prefer music that has words….and voices that aren’t robotically obscured. But I can’t complain as if they played the kind of stuff I like, nobody would show up.

men on the make can go jump in the lake

April 6, 2010

Just woke up from an antihistamine induced coma. Fell asleep watching “Earthquake”(1974) starring Charlton Heston..a classic with a tear jerker ending. Apparently there actually was an earthquake today(yesterday,) but I certainly didn’t notice it. I went to my grandma’s to eat rack of lamb, and then to American Apparel where I purchased an overpriced white denim jacket, which is officially the most trump tight piece of clothing that I own. I wonder how long I can go without spilling wine on it and ruining it.

Saturday night was “Cheap Thrills” which was jam packed and with all the best people. It was about the most fun I could hope for without the presence of any romance or overt sexual activity. Some band played there that I have never heard of but must have been semi-popular.
Nothing too eventful happened except that Danielle Stanley was there but then she saw someone get beat up so she got disgusted and left. Also, they kind of have those oversized wine glasses there so I was drinking wine and got a little out of control on the dance floor. When I got home it was pushing 3:30 am so I had a bowl of chocolate cheerios and passed out with all my clothes on.

My allergies are kind of going buck wild on me. I’ve been having some mondo-bizarro dreams lately, which I think are the result of antihistamines. Like I had a dream that I was in some gigantic studios and I was going to be in a makeup commercial(!?) and I had to report to the set. It was just like a maze of stucco building corridors sort of similar to the Venetian…
and when I got to the set I was late. I was also really nervous and self conscious, and I knew I was going to have to take my hat off for the shoot, but I hadn’t had a chance to fix my hair or comb it or anything. It’s one of those things where I wear a hat so often that I almost feel naked without it. It’s like taking off your pants. In fact, I once showered with a girl still wearing my hat and socks(but not my pants) Granted it was like 6 in the morning so I was half asleep..so that had something to do with it…but probably not everything. My advice to people would be to always wear the same thing all the time. Whenever I change things up, I get self conscious that people suddenly will change their mind about me. It’s the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it mentality.” I have seen too many girls that were totally raving beauties, decide to cut all their hair off or make some drastic style change, and they were just never the same after that sort of like in that song “Caroline, No” by the Beach Boys. It’s why I end up wearing the same “lucky” jackets all the time…agonize over whether or not to grow a beard(or whether to shave it) because I always worry that I might disappoint someone. To that you might say “Who gives a shit? Do whatever you want.” But that’s just not my personality and never will be. I’m a diabolical, meticulous, scheming planner and doing something that “comes natural” or “just feels right”… just doesn’t come naturally to me. If it were forced maybe it would feel more natural though!

Anyhow, back to the makeup commercial in my dream. For some reason director Mike Mills was filming something right next door, so I thought about going over to him telling him “Hey you won’t remember me, but I was in some commercials you did about 10 years ago. I’m here to film a makeup commercial right now. Well just wanted to say hi.” But he wasn’t there, when I went over there…there was just a stack of his business cards. So they finally call me up to sit in the chair where we’re going to shoot the makeup commercial…and they don’t make me take off my hat. They don’t even put makeup on me. They just film me for like a second and are like “That’s it we’re done.” It was like one of those sexual experiences when you just get too excited and can’t last no matter how many algebraic equations or skateboard tricks you do in your head to get your mind off the possibility of impregnating the undeniably sexy girl in your bed. And so I was like what? I flew all this way just for this? But I was glad to get out of the situation without having to remove my clothing or subject myself to anything that I would consider too degrading.

I also never got around to learning what a guy like me who doesn’t wear makeup and hopefully doesn’t need makeup was actually doing appearing in a women’s makeup commercial? On some level though, dreams always make sense. Like what’s hiding behind what’s made up? And perhaps I’m the star of a makeup commercial, because of my long career of concealing things behind images and characters I have created as well as poses which successfully shield me from my insecurities. And it’s not going to stop any time soon! This entry is though, as it’s getting about as gay as it could possibly get. It’s been skirting the line of “Some Like it Hot” territory.

P.S. The true origin of this dream is that I was reading Raquel Welch’s autobiography when I fell asleep. In it she talks a lot about her techniques for applying makeup to help her look younger! And she’s 69 and still every bit the babe that was looking for the firedragon in Fathom circa 1967! So yeah that’s why I had that dream, but it’s fun to think about all that other stuff.


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