Sinus of the Times

So I’ve been going out almost every night for the past 3 weeks..only missing one night when I fell asleep early. My allergies seem to be getting out of control and I’m on the verge of a full on mucous attack.

Sinus of the Times by Brandon Adamson (2006)

And so,
right now there’s a battle going on against mucous!
And in this battle you are either with us
or you are with the mucous.
It’s going to be a long war.
It’s like the war on terrorism
We don’t know when it will ever end.
We’re told it may not even be over in our lifetime.
As citizens, we all need to be vigilant.
It’s all we can do

I think I may force myself to go out, because if I sleep the mucous will just drip into my throat and it will feel like razor blades in the morning. I forsee-ith my feeling like some variation of shit tomorrow regardless of what happens this evening.

April 7, 2010. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

I’d be a fool not to know I’m a fool

So I finally finished reading “Something Wicked this Way Comes,” the film version of which I last saw when it made it’s debut on HBO in 1984. I’ve written about that here before. Finishing the book made me sort of upset with myself for not heeding the lessons of the story when I was exposed to it as a young child. Or did I? It’s hard to say, as both Will Halloway and Jim Nightshade, both flirted with the temptations of the carnival…giving in here and there. Granted I was a small child, but had I made proper use of the movie’s theme in my time I would have probably made a vast array of different decisions. So I have to wonder…would I have gotten on the Merry Go Round? Am I some sort of 21st century version of the lightning rod salesman turned mad dwarf searching for himself? All I know is that when I saw the movie “Something Wicked This Way Comes” as a kid, it terrified me and always stayed with me. But I wish I had paid more attention. But I did not make all the bad decisions. So perhaps I’m like the half-bad Charles Holloway, who gives the defining monologue:

“Sometimes the man who looks happiest in town, with the biggest smile, is the one carrying the biggest load of sin. There are smiles & smiles; learn to tell the dark variety from the light. The seal-barker, the laugh-shouter, half the time he’s covering up. He’s had his fun & he’s guilty. And all men do love sin, Will, oh how they love it, never doubt, in all shapes, sizes, colors & smells. Times come when troughs, not tables, suit appetites. Hear a man too loudly praising others & look to wonder if he didn’t just get up from the sty. On the other hand, that unhappy, pale, put-upon man walking by, who looks all guilt & sin, why, often that’s your good man with a capital G, Will. For being good is a fearful occupation; men strain at it & sometimes break in two. I’ve known a few. You work twice as hard to be a farmer as to be his hog. I suppose it’s thinking about trying to be good makes the crack run up the wall one night. A man with high standards, too, the least hair falls on him sometimes wilts his spine. He can’t let himself alone, won’t let himself off the hook if he falls just a breath from grace.

Oh, it would be lovely if you could just be fine, act fine, not think of it all the time. But it’s hard, right? with the last piece of lemon cake waiting in the icebox, middle of the night, not yours, but you lie awake in a hot sweat for it, eh? do I need tell you? Or a hot spring day, noon, and there you are chained to your school desk and away off there goes the river, cool and fresh over the rock fall. Boys can hear clear water like that miles away. So, minute by minute, hour by hour, a lifetime, it never ends, never stops, you got the choice this second, now this next, and the next after that, be good, be bad, that’s what the clock ticks, that’s what it says in the ticks. Run swim, or stay hot, run eat or lie hungry.So you stay, but once stayed, Will, you know the secret, don’t you? don’t think of the river again. Or the cake. Because if you do, you’ll go crazy. Add up all the rivers never swum in, cakes never eaten, and by the time you’re my age, Will, it’s a lot missed out on. But then you console yourself, thinking, the more times in, the more times possibly drowned, or choked on lemon frosting. But then, through plain dumb cowardice, I guess, maybe you hold off from too much, wait, play it safe.”

“Too late I found you can’t wait to become perfect, you’ve got to get fall down and get up with everybody else. So at last I looked up from my great self wrestling match one night when your mother came to the library for a book and got me instead.And I saw then and there that you take a man half-bad and a woman half-bad and put their two good halves together, and you got one human all good to share between.”

So I’ve been looking for this movie on DVD but can’t find it anywhere locally. So I’m going to have to probably have to order it from Amazon. Funny thing is, I still have a copy of it on Beta, which was recorded probably the last time that I ever saw it. That same tape also had the movie “Splash,” literally a fish out of water romantic comedy with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah(as a mermaid) recorded on it…and always I had to be extremely careful to fast forward and rewind it in a way so that I would never accidentally land and push play on part of “Something Wicked This Way Comes” as I would scare myself silly.

Why can’t I remember the name of the monopoly-like boardgame my grandma and I bought at a rummage sale and played while we watched Something Wicked This Way Comes on HBO one afternoon in 1984. I have never seen that game anywhere since.

April 7, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

men on the make can go jump in the lake

Just woke up from an antihistamine induced coma. Fell asleep watching “Earthquake”(1974) starring Charlton Heston..a classic with a tear jerker ending. Apparently there actually was an earthquake today(yesterday,) but I certainly didn’t notice it. I went to my grandma’s to eat rack of lamb, and then to American Apparel where I purchased an overpriced white denim jacket, which is officially the most trump tight piece of clothing that I own. I wonder how long I can go without spilling wine on it and ruining it.

Saturday night was “Cheap Thrills” which was jam packed and with all the best people. It was about the most fun I could hope for without the presence of any romance or overt sexual activity. Some band played there that I have never heard of but must have been semi-popular.
Nothing too eventful happened except that Danielle Stanley was there but then she saw someone get beat up so she got disgusted and left. Also, they kind of have those oversized wine glasses there so I was drinking wine and got a little out of control on the dance floor. When I got home it was pushing 3:30 am so I had a bowl of chocolate cheerios and passed out with all my clothes on.

My allergies are kind of going buck wild on me. I’ve been having some mondo-bizarro dreams lately, which I think are the result of antihistamines. Like I had a dream that I was in some gigantic studios and I was going to be in a makeup commercial(!?) and I had to report to the set. It was just like a maze of stucco building corridors sort of similar to the Venetian…
and when I got to the set I was late. I was also really nervous and self conscious, and I knew I was going to have to take my hat off for the shoot, but I hadn’t had a chance to fix my hair or comb it or anything. It’s one of those things where I wear a hat so often that I almost feel naked without it. It’s like taking off your pants. In fact, I once showered with a girl still wearing my hat and socks(but not my pants) Granted it was like 6 in the morning so I was half that had something to do with it…but probably not everything. My advice to people would be to always wear the same thing all the time. Whenever I change things up, I get self conscious that people suddenly will change their mind about me. It’s the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it mentality.” I have seen too many girls that were totally raving beauties, decide to cut all their hair off or make some drastic style change, and they were just never the same after that sort of like in that song “Caroline, No” by the Beach Boys. It’s why I end up wearing the same “lucky” jackets all the time…agonize over whether or not to grow a beard(or whether to shave it) because I always worry that I might disappoint someone. To that you might say “Who gives a shit? Do whatever you want.” But that’s just not my personality and never will be. I’m a diabolical, meticulous, scheming planner and doing something that “comes natural” or “just feels right”… just doesn’t come naturally to me. If it were forced maybe it would feel more natural though!

Anyhow, back to the makeup commercial in my dream. For some reason director Mike Mills was filming something right next door, so I thought about going over to him telling him “Hey you won’t remember me, but I was in some commercials you did about 10 years ago. I’m here to film a makeup commercial right now. Well just wanted to say hi.” But he wasn’t there, when I went over there…there was just a stack of his business cards. So they finally call me up to sit in the chair where we’re going to shoot the makeup commercial…and they don’t make me take off my hat. They don’t even put makeup on me. They just film me for like a second and are like “That’s it we’re done.” It was like one of those sexual experiences when you just get too excited and can’t last no matter how many algebraic equations or skateboard tricks you do in your head to get your mind off the possibility of impregnating the undeniably sexy girl in your bed. And so I was like what? I flew all this way just for this? But I was glad to get out of the situation without having to remove my clothing or subject myself to anything that I would consider too degrading.

I also never got around to learning what a guy like me who doesn’t wear makeup and hopefully doesn’t need makeup was actually doing appearing in a women’s makeup commercial? On some level though, dreams always make sense. Like what’s hiding behind what’s made up? And perhaps I’m the star of a makeup commercial, because of my long career of concealing things behind images and characters I have created as well as poses which successfully shield me from my insecurities. And it’s not going to stop any time soon! This entry is though, as it’s getting about as gay as it could possibly get. It’s been skirting the line of “Some Like it Hot” territory.

P.S. The true origin of this dream is that I was reading Raquel Welch’s autobiography when I fell asleep. In it she talks a lot about her techniques for applying makeup to help her look younger! And she’s 69 and still every bit the babe that was looking for the firedragon in Fathom circa 1967! So yeah that’s why I had that dream, but it’s fun to think about all that other stuff.

April 6, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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