I had a dream that I saw a movie, and it was one of those movies where at the end….it’s so moving that you’re just like “Oh my god I just saw such and such movie and it was soooo good,” only I had just said that about some other movie so I was trying to find another way to say it without people responding “Oh you just like every movie.” Because clearly I don’t! Anyway, the point is that the ending was so great….and then I woke up and realized the whole thing was a dream. And in that instant I realized that since it wasn’t a real movie, that I could just copy the entire plot from my dream, make a script out of it and sell it….only problem is that I can’t remember what it was about! All I can recall from my dream is that it was an art film and the title was “72 hours” (no relation to the 48 Hours Eddie Murphy movies.) The end was sad and desolate and there was some quoting of spanish…but beyond that I recall nothing. It was amazing though. My subconscious told me so. My subconscious posted a message on a generic equivalent of facebook that “72 hours is soooo fucking good.”
All I can remember are these scenes…which may not even be part of it. They could just be other random shit that occurred in my dream.
A guy is buying a coffin for himself to be used in a couple years. A bunch of stuff is wrong with the order. They keep talking about how the credit card may be expire or become invalid before it’s time to collect the money for the coffin(when the guy dies.) They get on a loudspeaker and suddenly lots of people are involved.
There is a lot of road construction in late afternoons and evenings in an urban city neighborhood. For entertainment, people watch in lawn chairs. This isn’t in hicksville either. Drama erupts at the clothing store where locals work, over a girl. The guy is pissed about rumors spread…other guy responds that he’s sorry for spreading the rumors but that they are true. The other guy threatens to throw him into a giant rock/boulder that is nearby yet indoor.
Girl pounds wall while having sex with rival guy so the guy who likes her/hates that guy and is standing in a hallway outside will hear it. She’s supposed to be on his side…so why she would torment him like this is anybody’s guess.
Something in spanish toward the end, while driving in a car.
Do you think Madeline would have still liked Kevin Arnold if he hadn’t been so hung up on Winnie Cooper? I think if he had been more responsive to Madeline’s advances she probably would have lost interest right away. Still she was hot enough that it might have still been worth it.
So friday night was spent mostly outside philthy phil’s smoking cigs with Mikey Jackson and chatting about nonsense…which is probably the best kind of chatter, in all seriousness. I ended up “dancing” with some girl for a few minutes, and as we were dancing she yelled “you’re cute!” and all I could think to say back was “you’re not bad.”
If this exchange hadn’t taken place on a deafeningly loud dance floor and had been within the context of a proper conversation I would have told her that I’m obviously not cute as I generally can’t even get the girls that can’t even get ugly, trashy dudes…and that if in some magical fantasy world I happen to enter into where everything is turned upside down and I can briefly be considered attractive for some brief period of time…well it’s a fleeting phenomenon. It’s also an illusion, like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat(only when I do it, it ends up more like the Rocky and Bullwinkle version.) And of course, all illusions, like puzzles, and other math problems…lead to reality when solved.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about Alice in Wonderland. The 1972 film “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” had a profound effect on me a child, mainly on my imagination, as it showed me how to view things differently and think against conventional Wisdom. That so much of what we think is so, isn’t so, or is only so because we think so. I always look for others with this attitude, but rarely find them. “How can you be wearing a sweater in the middle of August?” Just as Alice is perplexed and bewildered by the customs and logic of wonderland, so too would the rabbit, the mad hatter or the knave of hearts, see preposterity if they were to suddenly find themselves immersed in “our” world as witness to the contrarian norms and prevailing groupthink we have come to know as the natural order of things. And as such,
a person or anthropomorphic creature are resigned to live a certain dual identity when they are an outsider in one of these worlds. They adapt to fit in while at the same time opposing the madness they are attempting to fit into. The idea of paper money is silly, but if I obtain money I can purchase things…therefore I suppose I will play along. Or in Alice’s case: I don’t want to go among mad people, but let me get this straight, if I eat one side of the mushroom I shall grow taller and the other side I shall grow smaller? Of course, Alice essentially dreams up the imaginary world she is lost in(too bad we don’t all have that luxury!), though perhaps only because she is maddened and unfulfilled by the real one she traveled from(maybe then we do have it after all.)
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland aired many times on HBO in the mid 80’s. I believe this was because Fiona Fullerton(who played Alice) had gained renewed stardom with her role as an evil Bond girl in “View to A Kill” around that time(incidentally what I consider to be the first “bad” James Bond film. Octopussy is the last good one, and there hasn’t been a decent one since.) Anyhow, I hadn’t seen Alice’s Adventure’s in Wonderland in over 20 years, but some of the scenes stayed with me. Last night I bought a dvd of it from Zia, and ended up watching it while drinking a glass of wine. It was better than I remembered and stood the test of time.
Out of His Shell by Brandon Adamson
I’ve come to the realization
that I must have missed out entirely on
the whole “being a man” thing.
you know, just skipped right over it.
I think I went straight from boy to
“shell of a man.”
From my 2008 book, SideQuests
So here I am sitting around in my underwear playing my guitar and listening to the Hollies’ greatest hits on my Fisher Price record player. Right now the song “I’m alive” is playing…which I feel like is a lie for these times. This along with going to the mall have come to be the high point of my day. Yep, that’s what life has come to.
I had to sweat through my vehicle’s emission test on what seemed to be one of the hottest days of the year. Miraculously, my car passed….and i say miraculously because the check engine light had been on for like 8 months, but I changed the battery the day before so it must have reset and went off long enough for me to take the test. Now I can get on with my life.
In other news, I feel like I’ve been hanging out with trashy girls for so long that I’ve forgotten how to behave myself and act like a gentleman. I think living in Phoenix for so long now has just made me lessen the value in those qualities. It’s just adaptation is all. I find myself saying things to girls I would never said 5 or 6 years ago. But when almost every girl you know hangs out with scuzzy tattoo dudes with beer guts and various other riff raffy guys, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist that you’re not going to get anywhere with these hoes unless you make a trip down in scraggle rock and start upping your scum quotient. So I grew a beard, talk more crassly, and now my hair is getting kind of longer and gross. All I need is to gain about 50 pounds and embark upon the joys of self mutilation with piercings and tattoos…and I will finally be in the target demographic of the Tempe/downtown phoenix girl. I believe I covered this in more depth when I wrote :Tempe girls vs.Scottsdale girls.
Before I began this entry, I just woke up to a really bizarre sexual nightmare. I was hanging out with a girl I used to date, in her room, and she was being a huge bitch. Still with some persistence I convinced her to allow me to “do stuff” to her. Anyway, she wasn’t into it at all though and everytime I would start doing something, she would be like “no wait don’t do that,” but it was more like she would have some lame excuse for everything. So when I went to have sex with her she said “No I’m so loose down there right now that you’ll just bounce around everywhere.” And I’m thinking “what? ummm I don’t fucking care!” And then she said “yeah, it’s only big dicks for me now.” At that point I just wanted to slap her…but I managed to sort of keep my cool and so I went to go down on her and just said “Look, can’t you just play along and we’ll just see what happens?” And with that she gave in and started to let me and we almost had what could have been perceived as a romantic moment BUT just as I was starting…an old acquaintance/friend of mine walks in out of nowhere and interrupts. He had a drink in his hand and suddenly I was holding a miniature naked version of the girl in my hand and he came up with his drink and did a “cheers”and put his glass up to it! After he walked away I turned to back to talk to the life size girl again, and she just said “I do not want him here to watch another short (film.)” It was clear the “mood” had been broken, and we weren’t going to continue.
So yesterday I spent half the day driving around running errands, getting things done that I had put off for quite a while. For some reason my car’s air conditioning decided to stop working right in the middle of August in fucking Phoenix, and I was wearing a jean jacket so it was hot as balls in my car. I had to go to the IRS building, the Social Security building, get my oil changed etc(have to get one at least every 25,000 miles.) After all that, I also made a brief stop at the mall to grab a burger and fries from Johnny Rockets. I was going to go to Five Guys, but the line was too long. Oh, did I mention how fucking hot it was in my car? I was in it like all day, too! I felt like I sweated out every bit of fluid in my body. I was probably sweating semen toward the end. Anyway, I survived and still felt like 20 bucks. An innocent little baby left in a car all day by an unfit mother ain’t got nothing on me.
So yeah, yesterday for me was like a Zoog Disney version of the movie “Falling Down.” I had to go to the IRS building mainly just to try to file my amended tax return to get the homebuyer tax credit. First I had gone to the Social Security building, because I assumed wrongly that I could get the paperwork there. Anyhow it was like a thousand degrees in the parking garage of the IRS office. After I walked all the way there, they almost didn’t even let me in the building. The security guard asked me if I had a cell phone, and I was like “uhhh yeah.” He told me there were no cell phones allowed in the building, and that I had to take it back out to my car. I told him “man this is bullshit!”(yeah I know I’m one of those people who gets pissed off and makes a scene in public.) It’s all a person can do though to resist the anarcho-tyranny that passes for the contemporary world we live in. So I had to walk all the way back to my car to put my phone in there and then all the way back. I then had to pass through a metal detector, which was so sensitive that even my flimsy, cheap ass, urban outfitters, practically paper clip belt buckle set it off. When they finally let me in I was greeted at a counter by a man who spoke broken english, who cheerfully told me they had no one there to help me or answer any questions but not to worry…he gave me a piece of paper with the name and number of a place way in the bum fuck ghetto west side of town that I could set up an appointment with in a week or two. That’s the government for you. I can’t wait until these same people run our health care system so I can experience this great service when my life depends on it. Then again, our health care system is already a joke so who knows if it would be that much worse. My last experience with health care was huge pain in the nuts(pun intended) and that was even with me having what is supposedly “good” health insurance.
Oh and if that weren’t enough, as I left the social security building on 7th ave…Nikki happened to be driving by. She smiled a big smile at me, and I gave an exhausted, pathetic wave back. Then later she accused me of stalking her by her house(she lives in that area) and she was like half joking, but then I kinda wondered if maybe she really did think that.. which sucked. But I’m not really the type to mickey mouse around about hanging out. This isn’t 1994…if I wanted to see her or hang out I would just ask her so she could just say no and shoot me down quickly. Anyway if she actually thought I was stalking her then that’s the happiest anyone has ever looked to see their so called stalker. Ahhh we’re friends. The funny thing is that I looked like absolute shit, and I would never allow myself to be seen by any remotely attractive girl at that time of the day…wearing what I was wearing(some scraggly clothes.) I’m like Richard Nixon, and I don’t function all that well outside of carefully scripted settings and perfectly choreographed, pre-rehearsed routines.
Also when I got my oil changed, they told me I had an “engine oil leak” yet when they checked my oil level it was full. That must be an awfully slow oil leak if I d
Well you can just call me Joe Dimaggio for a while, as I decided to take a break from going out for a while. I am at one of those odd points where I am mostly without a partner in crime. Also, you get so little out of going out really. Very rarely do you meet any quality people, and it’s always just the same hoez you see around all the time. I’ve had 3 nights of splendid sleep in a row, a new world record for me for this year. The first night was induced by eating an entire box of rosemary and olive oil triscuits, which also left me feeling as bad as you’re average hangover the next morning. I’m back to going to the mall all the time, one of the few things I truly enjoy doing and which relaxes me. Sorry if I go there so much it creeps you out, but a man’s got to do what a man’s gotta do. I’m also getting addicted to chocolate shakes. I’ll have some stories to share in the next entry.