Fly away with me sky girl

Drinking wine and repeatedly listening to the “Fathom” soundtrack in my living room…probably my all time favorite film score. No, really. Those songs have been stuck in my head for years.

Fly away with me, sky-girl
we’ll go racing chasing the sun
swallows on the wing around us
and the sunlight shining
on our rainbow run
ever tried to chase moonbeams
while the stars shine twinkling and bright
no, you’ll never find a joy for girl and boy
like floating in the air
there’s just nothing to compare
with the joy that we’ll be sharing

May 31, 2011. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.


Thanks to Hollywood Teen TV for featuring my video. You guys rule.

May 28, 2011. Tags: , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

This can’t be the way the world ends

“Oh God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams”

I’ve really grown fond of this website, The Mad Monarchist

I don’t agree with all of the guy’s opinions(although I do most of them,) however the site is a treasure trove of detailed information and insight on current and defunct monarchies of the world. Aesthetically, monarchy has always been my preferred form of government. In fact, I’ve often (half- jokingly) maintained that I’m still loyal to the king, and have frequently questioned whether the colonies should have ever revolted. Maybe I played too many Super Nintendo RPGs as a kid,(and as an adult) but I don’t see how one could make it through an entire game of Chrono Trigger and conclude that a character like King Guardia XXI would have been any worse or less corrupt of a leader than most of the democratically elected, popularity contest winners of the 21st century.

Whether we choose them or not, you get good leaders and you get bad leaders. Sometimes you get a Dwight Eisenhower or Calvin Coolidge. Once in a while you have to suffer through a Jimmy Carter or GWB. So it goes with kings and emperors. Sometimes you get a Tiberius, and sometimes you get a Caligula. Democracy can only be as competent as the quality of the current state of “groupthink” that propels the majority’s decisions. Time and time again majority opinion has been proven to be misinformed and has led us into more predicaments than it has navigated us out of. We’ve all seen the brutality and heavy handedness that military dictatorships can unleash upon a country. Military leaders often have charisma though, and can manage a country well if they are just. If you had to have one though, it would be hard to find more suitable brass then General Leo from Final Fantasy III/VI, a genuinely humble and charismatic figure. Like many heroes of made of a similar ilk ilk though, he left us too soon.

“I knew you were being used as some sort of biological weapon. And because I didn’t do anything about it, I’m no better than Kefka.” —Leo to Terra Branford

Anyway, one thing I love about monarchy is that it takes almost all the cheesy corporate sloganeering and endless campaigning out of government and(in a good age) restores a tasteful dignity and sense of inspiration to the people.

May 24, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.


Mr. Braddock: Ben, this whole idea sounds pretty half baked.
Ben: No, it’s not. It’s completely baked.

Watched The Graduate the other afternoon, which I hadn’t seen since it was on tv on a saturday(or was it a sunday?) afternoon in fall of 1996(UPN channel.) I did see part of it at Beth and Josh’s pool party one night in the summer of 2006, but that wasn’t as memorable of a viewing since other people were chatting the whole time, and we were drunk and had just eaten filiberto’s. Anyway, The Graduate was much better than I had remembered it being. The ambiance of the film is great of course, the epitome of 60’s style and cool and in the words of one eloquent youtube commenter, “this is what white culture was 40 years ago.” I always felt that the film sells out in the end though, sending well intentioned young men the wrong message. Ben Braddock fucks a girl’s mom, then goes on one date with the girl and falls madly in love and decides hes going to marry her. Of course, after Elaine finds out he banged her mother (she is misinformed by her mother who claims he raped her,) she wants nothing to do with him. He then proceeds to travel up to Berkeley where she is going to school, rents a room and starts stalking her…harassing her every chance he gets. Sure, from one shiftless, idiosyncratic dude to another, we’ve all been there. You tell me how well that strategy works for you. Maybe things were different back then, but these days the girl would have threatened to call the cops and get a restraining order if you so much as sent one potentially creepy text. Now I’m not saying this type of persistence couldn’t work, merely that it couldn’t work for a shy and nervous guy like Benjamin Braddock on a respectable and intelligent girl like Elaine. If it were some big, hairy, oafish guy pursuing some degenerate, drug addict, slutbag, it might work. Indeed, I’ve seen it happen more than a few times. Maybe that’s why the movie is so popular, because Hoffman’s character becomes an unlikely hero and succeeds through methods which have failed his kind so many times before and since. It would have been a much better film if he did not get Elaine at the end, if he were to race to her wedding only to have her say “Benjamin, you’re starting to scare me. Look you’re a great guy, and we had some good times, but really I don’t like you as much as you like me. Besides the fact that I just got married, I’m moving to Portland, and I want to start over there and have new experiences and meet new people. I don’t want you to come with me.” Then the graduate could have learned life’s hardest lesson, one that isn’t taught in any school.

May 16, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Workout Routine

Workout Plan By Brandon Adamson (circa 2004)

Some girls are all about
wishing things would’ve worked out
or wondering why
things didn’t work out
don’t work out
won’t work out
or if only this
or that
then things could’ve worked out.
It’s as if instead of working things out
and things working out
all they really wanted was a good workout
I guess just let them
work themselves out
cause I just want things to work out
if that’s cool

May 13, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

We called him tortoise because he taught us

At the used book store in the Milwaukee Airport in 1988, I made my mom buy me a book called “Winning Through Intimidation” mainly because, as a little kid, I liked the illustrations and was drawn to the cool looking turtle on the front cover.

I kept this book under my pillow(along with about 8 other books) and used to read it before falling asleep. I have no idea how much I was able to actually comprehend. Despite it’s title, this book is actually about how to avoid being intimidated, not just by people, but by life itself. With it’s cynical world view, and humorous anecdotes, the principles are timeless and can be applied to almost any situation. I revisited this book recently while in the bathtub and found that I had unknowingly(subconsciously) adopted many of the methods and attitudes promoted in this book(page 7 for example:)

Theory of Sustenance of a Positive Attitude Through the Assumption of a Negative Result

a. Prepare yourself for long-term success by being prepared for short-term failure
b. A person shouldn’t enter a sales situation feeling he can’t make the sale, but he should realistically assume that he won’t make the sale. If you’re prepared, then you’re able to feel confident that you are capable of making the sale if it is possible to be made. Hope for the best, but realistically assume the worst.
c. No matter how well prepared you are, only a small percentage of deals actually close, because there are an endless number of factors beyond your control.
d. Each negative result is an educational experience from which you can extract lessons learned, and then forget about the negative result.

How many times have I gone into a romantic situation enthusiastically while at the same time knowing it was likely to be a complete fucking disaster?(see the entry below this one.) I’m pretty sure it’s been every time, for a long time.

“Winning Through Intimidation” came out in 1973, and was remarkably a self-published book which became a #1 best seller. The Author, Robert Ringer, is still around, I’ve always been obsessed with both rabbits and turtles. Indeed, my moniker on the internet was “rabbit” in the early days of the internet(after the main character in John Updike’s novel Rabbit, Run which has always been a personal favorite.) The white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland was my favorite character as well. Yet, truth be told I identify more with the tortoise. In fact one of my ex girlfriends used to refer to me as a turtle, mainly due to how slow I was to commit and allow the relationship to progress. Though I might also argue that my incredible patience with her and protective shell to deflect her blows were the real turtle-like qualities. Friends I have had in the music and art world have never understood why I released things so cheaply and never followed the so called natural steps to achieve fame, fortune and notoriety. “How will you ever become popular if you don’t play live.” “Don’t you want to tour and get a record deal?” You have to do this. You have to do that to make it, Brandon.” All they thought about was the short term, concerned with doing whatever they could to get ahead quickly. When I started recording music in the late 90’s, I may have lived under some of those illusions, but I was looking 20 or 30 years ahead. My goal was to release as many works and small projects as I could, with an eye on what their cumulative effect would be as opposed to their individual immediate impact(which I had no illusions about.) Just put something out, any way you can, don’t push it too hard or give a rats ass what anyone thinks, and move on to the next project. Each is just a piece of some gigantic narcissistic puzzle of my life. Is it the best way to create things and live? I can’t really say I know for sure. It is this tortoise’s way though.

Robert Ringer adopted The Tortoise as his alter ego in his first book, because so many of the anecdotes in that autobiographical work were reminiscent of the legendary tortoise-and-hare tale. The Tortoise is the unglamorous plodder who always seems to find a way to come out ahead, no matter how harshly life treats him along the way. He isn’t flashy or impressive; his strengths are consistency, perseverance, resiliency, and resourcefulness. He’s the kind of reptile who, upon being told that he can’t play in someone’s game, simply goes out and starts his own league.

The Tortoise is the quintessential antihero, reflected in such characters as Ben Braddock (played by Dustin Hoffman), the shy, stuttering boyfriend in The Graduate; or Colombo, the fumbling, stumbling detective played by Peter Falk in the old TV series of the same name, slow when it came to figuring things out, but always catching the villain in the end; or Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) in the Rocky film series, the late starter who overcame all odds to become world heavyweight champion.

The Tortoise is the ultimate icon of perseverance, the reptile who demonstrates that the outcome of most situations in life are decided over the long term. His motto succinctly sums up his view of the world:

Quickly getting out of the starting blocks may get people’s attention, but all that counts is where you are when the race is over.

“Maybe I’ll be seeing you around the jungle sometime.”

As a side note, given that this book came out in 1973, there are some hilarious parts in “boy-girl theory and “better deal theory” sections relating to how a woman can sell herself as a potential wife to a man(and vice versa.) Now after all these years I finally recognize where my views on relationships as business partnerships originated. It was as a prepubescent boy at the airport in 1988, picking up a copy of “Winning Through Intimidation.” The butterfly effect, anyone?

May 11, 2011. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

The Summer That Never Was

Summer is nearly upon us, as the sun hangs above ever longer with each turn of the Earth…and yet still these are dark days. Absent is the optimism, the excitement, and the anticipation that preceded all previous summers, even those awful ones which each fell victim to their unique curses. I guess it is something that comes with age and experience, or rather the age and experience of one idiosyncratically stubborn enough to repeatedly try to get something right when they should know better.

In years past I looked forward to vividly imagined summer romances, of late night adventures, long road trips to far off places, holding hands and long afternoon make out sessions while listening to the songs where with each one you communicate something to the other person passive aggressively through the lyrics. Alas, those were summers that never were. After so many which did not fulfill the promise of my overactive imagination, I find that I now deprive myself of even the anticipation itself.

It’s like Pavlov’s experiment with the dog. One can be conditioned to salivate when the bell rings in anticipation of the perceived rewarding experience, but after so many times the bell tolls and only disappointment follows, well…forgive me if I don’t get too enthusiastic. I probably know how that story ends already.

Indeed, I find it difficult to muster the optimistic energy for more than even a single date. Imaginatively, I’m already bracing myself for all the possible negative scenarios, like a chess player using the four pawns attack, thinking several moves ahead…planning for a handful of contingencies, each one likely to leave me on the losing end. This, all before I have any idea if the person is even remotely interested to begin with. Before we share so much as our first Soy Delicious ice cream cone, I’ve already envisioned us breaking up in a thousand different horrible ways. Potential future arguments have all played out in my head. So when I look you in the eye and tell you how there’s nobody I’d rather hang out with, I’ve already taken into consideration all the negative aspects of your character, including imaginary ones that you may not even actually possess.

To this you might exclaim, “What a way to live! Why not just give things a chance. Everyone is different, etc.” Well, because I’ve done it a thousand times before, and the result has been a variation of the same thing every single time. If I couldn’t attract or hold the interest of the last few thousand girls in the face of even pitiful or nonexistent competition, would I not be a fool to think that it could turn out differently this time, especially with someone whose implicit inner and outer beauty should theoretically make them even more difficult to obtain?

I had a long talk with my ex on the phone last weekend. We discussed all our current dating prospects with which I confessed to her that I had none, other than a couple of real longshots. Of course she had to get in a bit of a jab and remark that “Most girls probably wouldn’t realize you like them, given that you hardly put in any effort.” I had to explain to her, results are the same regardless. And that when I put myself out there or display confidence, the girl will just come right out and tell me she’s not interested. At least if I’m distant and coy about the whole thing, I can maintain the illusion that she might actually be interested but just isn’t sure if I am into her. Anyway, when girls are interested, they are totally obvious about it. They call you all the time, text you all the time, and express their desire to hang out frequently. They don’t fuck around. If you have to wonder if a girl likes you, she probably doesn’t. You could always prod her to find out for sure, but I first would recommend you consider the exchange between Charlton Heston and Dr. Zaius near the end of Planet of the Apes:(1968 version)

Taylor: A planet where apes evolved from men? There’s got to be an answer!
Dr. Zaius: Don’t look for it, Taylor. You may not like what you find. .

Why are girls so attracted to confidence anyway? Seriously, it makes me doubt the merits of the evolutionary process. It’s so phony. Actual knowledge and cold contemplation are so much more valuable as traits. If a clueless person A exudes confidence while he jumps off a cliff and person B is aware of the likely negative implications but gives it a shot anyway, giving some attention to the possibility of survival will they not both splatter on the ground? Which person would you want steering the ship in storm? Girls’ attraction to empty confidence combined with the seemingly endless supply of arrogant doofus men helps to explain why there are so many stupid people in the world.

So then as a consolation I am left with a plethora of casual friendships, laughing and philosophising about fashion, colors, politics and the cosmos…with nary but an already scratched non-winning ticket in the lotto of romance. Not looking forward to the summer this year. How about you?

May 2, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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