A couple years old but never quite got the exposure it deserves. I don’t even really make jams like this anymore as I’ve been getting more into electronic pop music and somewhat away from my mod / indie pop old self.
What is it about a girl stalking me that is such a turn on? I guess it is the fact that they have a curiosity. Lots of people don’t. Like if a girl I liked kept an online diary, I would read it… if nothing else to get clues on how she thought, her past, what she likes and doesn’t like. It’s almost insulting if someone doesn’t take the time to do that, like they don’t even care enough to get to know all about you. I want to know everything about someone I like. Once I dated a girl for a few months and we lived together and she never once even bothered to read this thing. She just had no interest in even checking to see if I might be writing something about our relationship. The crap that I write here is mostly useless, but it is the hunger to know more about the person you are interested in which is a key component of falling for someone.
Another thing…most guys will talk about how they hate somewhat clingy girls, but not me. I love how they break all the dumb so called rules of dating(like waiting two days after getting someone’s number to call them.) The best is when you go on a date and you get home and the person is already calling and texting you that same night. The thing is, when I like a girl…I’ve already done my homework and (mostly) made up my mind that I like her before ever hanging out. I’m not deciding based on what she says or does during or after a date. Most people when they hang out with someone new are keeping some kind of mental scoreboard, trying to determine whether you’re worth their time or compatible…‘oh he likes strawberries…+5… but he’s wearing a Lacoste polo… -10 and he doesn’t watch Breaking Bad -25.’
I on the other hand am just looking for more reasons to like her as she reveals things about herself. “what’s that? you stabbed someone. Wow that’s so passionate.” Yet if a girl is super aggressive in liking me, and I have already convinced myself that I am into her then I’m fine with it. Go ahead and stop over unannounced. Call me 50 times in the middle of the night. Bring it on. If a girl really shows that she is into me, then I know that she is worth my time. If a girl only seems kind of into you, or like she might maybe be into you…then you know you are going to have to play that futile game over many months trying to win her over, and then losing her and then winning her back and then only to end up losing her to some guy who barely put in any effort at all, and probably would not have cared enough to go through all her online photos to see what kind of stuff she likes to do, or looked for sweet mugshots of her on google images and would never have thought about what it would be like to be holding hands with her at zoolights. So if a girl is only kind of interested then I am out because that is like sooooooo 2004-2005. Go ahead and creep on me, and i’ll creep you back. What could possibly go wrong?
1. I love the show Party of Five. The writing is so good. I actually still identify more with the high school relationships on the show like Bailey and Sara or Julia and Justin, which probably says a lot about my maturity level at this point.
2. I love the 90’s in general. A lot of the stuff that I used to think I was too cool for actually was cool. Some of the stuff I liked that wasn’t cool, still isn’t cool, but I continue to like it.
3. I’m a hypochondriac. One of my doctor’s once suggested I see a psychiatrist. The other thinks I have a potentially serious underlying illness. It’s so confusing. So many doctors are full of shit, and I’ll be dead long before they figure it all out.
4. I love going to the mall. Yep, I still hang out at the mall. Don’t ask me why I’m a mallrat. I think the key to staying young is to continue to do the things you did when you were young. It’s like The Twilight Zone episode “Kick the Can,” but I don’t want to spoil the ending for you. Just go watch it.
5. I’m a misogynist. I really do hate women kind of. I watch them make horrible life decisions over and over, and it is just draining. Yet, here I am like Charlie Brown always coming back to kick the football again….so that probably makes me even dumber than some idiot who admires and appreciates women. Whenever I hear a guy talk about how wonderful women are my first thought is “suckerrrrr!”
6. I don’t care about variety. I like eating the same stuff all the time. I like digestive predictability.
7. The first sentence I spoke as a baby was “It’s not just a job it’s an adventure” after I saw a navy commercial(true story)
8. I share a lot of common traits with serial killers, but somehow I didn’t turn out to be one and instead became a great romancer
9. I tend to date a lot of girls that have emotional and psychological problems. I even got a job at Abercrombie one time to try to meet normal chicks, but I just can’t connect with them and sooner or later I admit to myself that they are into some wack shit and what the fuck am I doing.
10. I fantasize about ditching my cellphone and getting a housephone, or even a pager. I hate texting and miss late night phone conversations on those phones that used to light up when they rang.
11. I have a lot of narcissistic tendencies, but it’s too late to change so I’m just going with it at this point.
12. My favorite motivational book is “Winning Through Intimidation” by Robert Ringer. It’s kind of dated though. There is a great chapter on how a woman can market herself as marriage material to a man. That shit would never fly today.
13. I like a lot of girl singer music because I usually pretend it’s one of my aggravated ex girlfriends singing the song to me, and I relate to it in that way. Or you just reverse it and pretend it’s like a guy singing about a girl. I think that girls do this sort of thing too.
14.I tend to live in the past, because it’s way better then.
15. I suffer from “post orgasm depression” which is why I don’t really care about sex that much. I actually hate when girls think you are just trying to hook up when you talk to them. Get real. Any girl I’ve ever dated can testify that I care almost nothing about sex. I mean I might walk by a girl and think “hey i’d bang her” but if I had to put any actual effort into it forget it. When it actually happens, the first thing I’m thinking afterwards is “how did I get myself into this situation and how am I going to get out of it?”
16. I get depressed when I look up my old favorite actresses from my generation and they are married and have kids. It’s just never going to happen with me and Megan Ward, and I guess I have to accept it. These broads are all long gone.
17. I’m an only child
18. Sooner or later I’m going to record a hit song. I’ve been a struggling artist since 1995, and one of these days I will get the credit I’m due though I may have to wait until after I’m dead. That’s the price you pay. People who achieve instant success when they are young usually pay in the form of some downward spiral into drugs and madness like in E True Hollywood Story.
19. I love the old “Charlie’s Angels” show from the 70’s. At the beginning of the year I was bedridden for 2 months with a rib injury and watched every episode in a row. My favorite episode is the one where they go to Las Vegas and Dean Martin is in it. Jaclyn Smith is probably my favorite angel. She pretty much epitomizes female perfection.
20. i’m mostly a loner, and a very stubborn one. I often will go some place alone even though all my friends will be going some place else. If I don’t want to do something I really won’t do it. Being on my own for so long has afforded me this one pathetic luxury.
Sometimes people wonder why i don’t say hi, but it’s just because i have nothing worthwhile to say or nothing further to establish. So forcing an awkward conversation would just end up being like pedro’s speech at the end of napoleon dynamite. It’s true that pedro ends up beating summer, but he wins because of napoleon’s sweet dance moves, not because of his monotonous speech. Do you really want me come up and tell you what a great show “party of five“ is? Or talk about how I sing along to 90’s dance songs like Jellyhead and Barbie Girl in my car? Or go on about all the things I admire about Scientology? Or ask you what your favorite animal at the zoo is(i like the otters?) or recite tony curtis quotes like “i wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife!“…? So just be thankful. Or you can be the one who says hi and willingly subjects yourself to my life and we can talk about whatever you want and i’ll try not to reveal how i secretly wish we were good friends.