Well, it’s getting to be hot as balls outside finally, which is a good thing from an allergy clearing/eye watery/sinus drainage standpoint at least. Where on Earth did the saying that something was “____ as balls” originate from anyways? I have no idea. It sounds pretty 90’s, and I use it way too much. Some of these crude old skateboarding phrases just become permanently ingrained in your psyche like a bad radio commercial(I love my Metropolitan Mattress…Maaatttressss!). It also doesn’t make sense really if you think about it. Something like “blue as balls” would be more intuitive. It could convey a sense of color AND be illustrative of one’s mood. “You’re eyes are blue as balls. They tell me everything”.. (like a crystal ball!) Sounds like sort of a pickup line, albeit a highly ineffective one, most likely to be used by some veteran of the Scottsdale sports bar circuit. I fear this is turning into one of those all time pointless entries. You’re no doubt reading this and confirming to yourself that my fears are well founded. I almost want to backdate it so that it’s not the first entry that shows up. No worries though. I have a backlog of book reviews I’ve been meaning to post including such gems as “Chariots of the Gods” by Erich Von Daniken, “We Are Doomed” by John Derbyshire,various actor biographies(Robert Wagner, Chevy Chase, Dustin Diamond and some others.) I’ve been bogged down in allergic hell lately, which has slowed down my writing as it’s tough to pontificate thoughtfully and sneeze uncontrollably at the same time. BUT I’m coming out of it, rounding the corner and ready to emerge into some fresh hell, the genetic or molecular makeup of which has yet to be determined….
though I’m certain it will be felt within the context of the Phoenix nightlife. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to spend the next 3 hours watching The Fall of the Roman Empire, which I hear is going to take place on my TV screen, and is going to be caused by a certain xenophobic centurion pushing play on his dvd player..
So my awesome new beard has been overshadowed by the fact that I have a huge zit, and my allergies have been going buck wild, and I have been all hopped up on antihistamines, saline nasal spray, and red wine…which in turn means I look terrible and so people would be like “Man you look way better without a beard..you need to shave that shit off” because they will assume I look like crap because of the beard when in reality it’s because of pollen, pus, and possibly a rogue rhinovirus that mistook my sinuses for the African and Asian wildlife exhibit at the zoo. And what would a cold virus have to do with rhinoceroses anyway? I suppose it’s the latin root word or something. Biology was never my strong point(no pun intended.) Maybe one labman dude thought these little cold viruses looked like Rhinos under a microscope. Can you imagine? Like rhinoceros shaped cereal or something. It would be called “Rhinocer-Oh’s” or just “Rhin-OH’s” ….million dollar idea given away for free! well okay, more like something that probably already exists which you’d find in the bulk discount section at Family Dollar or Food City if you were doing it dirty. John McCain could be on the front of the box like Walter Payton was on “Wheaties”(I forget who’s on the front of a Wheaties box these days…but probably not Tiger Woods due to him turning out to be a sleazy, pervitronic, manwhore.)
Anyhow, one time in grade school my old friend Mike Korsi cut out Walter Payton from the front of his Wheaties box…and brought the cardboard cutout of him to school. Whenever the teacher turned around or wasn’t looking, he would slowly make Walter’s head peer out over the top of his desk at people until finally you’d see number #34. It was one of those things that made you laugh so hard your 2% catholic school issued Borden milk(if it’s Borden, it’s got to be good!) would come squirting out of your nose. Just saying.
So I’ve been going out almost every night for the past 3 weeks..only missing one night when I fell asleep early. My allergies seem to be getting out of control and I’m on the verge of a full on mucous attack.
Sinus of the Times by Brandon Adamson (2006)
right now there’s a battle going on against mucous!
And in this battle you are either with us
or you are with the mucous.
It’s going to be a long war.
It’s like the war on terrorism
We don’t know when it will ever end.
We’re told it may not even be over in our lifetime.
As citizens, we all need to be vigilant.
It’s all we can do
I think I may force myself to go out, because if I sleep the mucous will just drip into my throat and it will feel like razor blades in the morning. I forsee-ith my feeling like some variation of shit tomorrow regardless of what happens this evening.