antihistamine dreams

walter payton wheaties box

So my awesome new beard has been overshadowed by the fact that I have a huge zit, and my allergies have been going buck wild, and I have been all hopped up on antihistamines, saline nasal spray, and red wine…which in turn means I look terrible and so people would be like “Man you look way better without a beard..you need to shave that shit off” because they will assume I look like crap because of the beard when in reality it’s because of pollen, pus, and possibly a rogue rhinovirus that mistook my sinuses for the African and Asian wildlife exhibit at the zoo. And what would a cold virus have to do with rhinoceroses anyway? I suppose it’s the latin root word or something. Biology was never my strong point(no pun intended.) Maybe one labman dude thought these little cold viruses looked like Rhinos under a microscope. Can you imagine? Like rhinoceros shaped cereal or something. It would be called “Rhinocer-Oh’s” or just “Rhin-OH’s” ….million dollar idea given away for free! well okay, more like something that probably already exists which you’d find in the bulk discount section at Family Dollar or Food City if you were doing it dirty. John McCain could be on the front of the box like Walter Payton was on “Wheaties”(I forget who’s on the front of a Wheaties box these days…but probably not Tiger Woods due to him turning out to be a sleazy, pervitronic, manwhore.)

Anyhow, one time in grade school my old friend Mike Korsi cut out Walter Payton from the front of his Wheaties box…and brought the cardboard cutout of him to school. Whenever the teacher turned around or wasn’t looking, he would slowly make Walter’s head peer out over the top of his desk at people until finally you’d see number #34. It was one of those things that made you laugh so hard your 2% catholic school issued Borden milk(if it’s Borden, it’s got to be good!) would come squirting out of your nose. Just saying.

April 11, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

Sinus of the Times

So I’ve been going out almost every night for the past 3 weeks..only missing one night when I fell asleep early. My allergies seem to be getting out of control and I’m on the verge of a full on mucous attack.

Sinus of the Times by Brandon Adamson (2006)

And so,
right now there’s a battle going on against mucous!
And in this battle you are either with us
or you are with the mucous.
It’s going to be a long war.
It’s like the war on terrorism
We don’t know when it will ever end.
We’re told it may not even be over in our lifetime.
As citizens, we all need to be vigilant.
It’s all we can do

I think I may force myself to go out, because if I sleep the mucous will just drip into my throat and it will feel like razor blades in the morning. I forsee-ith my feeling like some variation of shit tomorrow regardless of what happens this evening.

April 7, 2010. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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