checkmate in three moves in your heyday, but…

So as an accompaniment to this entry I was going to post a youtube of the song Human Hands by Elvis Costello, only to discover that youtube only contains a zillion videos of Sondre Lerche’s cover version of the Elvis Costello song. I’m sure it’s great and all, but it’s typically depressing that a new indie cover would be more accessible and well known than the actual song…

Did anything worth mentioning happen this weekend? I feel like it did, but after a whirlwind of fun sometimes I sit down to update this thing and can’t think of much to say…or realize I can’t write about certain things which incriminate other people, especially since so many people I actually know read this thing now. So when I write about goings ons wth random strangers and comical encounters with various respectable women and also cheap hoes, there may be consequences. But fuck it!

Friday I went with Bill to Casey Moore’s for a bit, and there were some girls who were attractive, but when they walked by they smelled like hot wings which kind of ruins it when you’re expecting marc jacobs perfume or something. So anyway it was kind of a cheesefest, and so I convinced Bill to go to Philthy Phil’s for Craig Citizen’s birthday celebration. I had a really good time, and saw a lot of people I wanted to see. Also talked to some people I had wanted to talk to for a long time and all and all just felt surrounded by friends. I danced with a lot of really nice girls. The dances were all very sexually charged but still innocent…which is the best kind of dancing. Bill didn’t feel like dancing, so he didn’t really have an outlet for his boner rage, so he ended up leaving early. I stayed to the end and left while I was still in a good mood. I got out of there in a hurry, cinderella style. One thing I don’t ever like to do is overstay my welcome. You’ve got to get out while the getting’s good. If you talk to these girls, and you just linger they begin to develop a seething hatred for you no matter how excited they were to talk with you originally. Sometimes it is still very difficult to leave though, even though you know staying just makes you into a stubborn cockroach hanging out in the aftermath of globalthermonuclear war. You just want to talk more and more and dance more and more and be oh so close… BUT you have to run!

Saturday night went to Casey’s again and hung out with friends. Was hanging out with Mark, Mikey, and others. I ran into an old(young) friend there and we ended up going to a Tempe house party afterwards, something I hadn’t really experienced in years. There ended up being major drama, as it turned out the girls who lived at the house had some sort of a history of being enemies with the girl I was friends with. So they kept talking shit to her and trying to kick her out. They were saying ridiculous stuff to her like “girl, don’t nobody want you here”(and yeah these were white and hispanic people talking like that.) Anyway, they were also sending these scuzzy, doofusy looking loser dudes over to incoherently tell her she needed to go. Anyway finally she agreed to leave, and even though I wasn’t really involved I was like “Well if she has to leave, then I’m leaving, too.” Not that anyone cared for me to be there, but it was a matter of honor. And so the four or five of us left, and we went to her friends’ apartment and hung out for a bit. One of her cute friends actually had a working VCR with a box of VHS tapes. Pretty amazing. One of the dudes was like “Holy shit! You guys sit around and watch vcrs?” And she was like “Uh no we watch VHS tapes.” Total Back to the future Two moment. Ohh and she told this story about how this guy was throwing rocks at her window late at night trying to get her attention, and I was all “Oh how romantic!” But she said she didn’t notice who it was at first and so she freaked out and called 911. And it turns out it was some dude she had wanted to leave her alone, so she was just really creeped out. Note to self, don’t ever throw rocks at a girl’s window whom you’re romantically interested in.

Today I hung out with Jonathan mostly. We went to Adult Swim briefly, then had burgers and went to his apartment where we watched the Ellen Degeneres Comedy Special on TBS(not my idea.) He played me some of his new techno jams that he made though so that part was fun, even though neither one of us really likes or listens to techno.

June 28, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

i’ve been passing time watching trains go by

So I have been causing wayyy too much mischief these last couple months. It’s going to come back to haunt me I know it. I need to just stay home and brush up on my “Choose Your Own Adventure” skills. Saturday Night, after the bar closed and everyone was standing around doing the outside part….I looked around and there was absolutely nothing but scuzzy dudes and riff raff left. These two not very pretty but sluttily dressed hispanic girls came out, whom you could tell probably barely spoke english, and as they walked by I said to one of them in a quiet but direct manner “Excuse me miss, excuse me miss… I just need to start a family with you when you get a moment” and she looked up at me, and I swear she got so mesmerized that she actually fell over. Actually though it was probably more a combination of her being wasted, stomping around in cheap “I got it at Ross” slutastic high heels, and the fact that she wasn’t watching where the “F” she was going.

Anyhow sensing the night was going nowhere I was ready to go home when two barely visible random girls pulled up in a car, and I just opened the back door and got in…which reminds me of that scene in the JohnnyCab from Total Recall:

johnny cab total recall

Douglas Quaid: Where am I?
Johnnycab: You’re in a Johnnycab.
Douglas Quaid: I mean, what am I doing here?
Johnnycab: I’m sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
[Johnnycab rolls his eyes]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Shit! shit!
Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
[the taxicab pulls up]
Johnnycab: The fare is 18 credits, please.
[Quaid gets out]
Douglas Quaid: Sue me, dickhead!
[cab tries to run him down, crashes, and explodes]
Johnnycab: We hope you enjoyed the ride!

Anyhow, I had no idea who or what was in the car when I got in. It could have been Large Marge from Peewee’s Big Adventure for all I know. But to my pleasant surprise there was a really terrific looking girl driving…which actually made me think “oh shit! This girl is going to hate me because she will think I specifically meant to get into her car as some drunken asshole way of hitting on her.” But I wasn’t drunk. Only had a glass of merlot or two and felt desperately adventurous. Was fine with just being friends with her actually. So I just asked her if she would give me a ride to my car in the parking lot that was about 200 feet away. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that with girls you never want to overstay your welcome. When you meet a cool girl, and she’s polite and friendly, don’t ruin it by staying and bothering her too long when there’s nothing more to talk about and it just gets awkward. Just say a few words and be on your way. When I got out of the car I just said “Here, have some promotional materials” and gave them one of my uniquely shaped RandomBrandon cards and that was that. I drove home, ate a bowl of chocolate cheerios and passed out.

April 12, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

%d bloggers like this: