The Antimatter Formula

Somewhere south, where it is colder,
Where that which falls stays where it is,
You’ll find what isn’t what it is.

riddle from “The Forbidden Castle” by Edward Packard

And so we face the specter of summer on the horizon, and with it comes the maze of decisions, pursuits, personal equations to solve, ambitions to fulfill, and survival above all. None of it is easy of course. To make matters more dicey, the possibility always lurking out there…one false move and you’re dead, falling victim to the breath of fire of some mythical dragon or the jaws of life which fail to bite quickly enough in the event of a car crash… or merely an unforeseen health issue that rears it’s ugly head. Just like that…like so many others who never see what hit them, their Facebook and Myspace pages frozen in time with their final banal status updates….or in the case of this blog some token entry of subtle misogyny, potential xenophobia, and narcissistic babbling.

But let us not speak of the dangers today, for it is in the back of the mind where these things belong. The question of parallel universes and our decisions which lead us to the one we’re in, is one we cannot dwell upon. Like branches of a tree, a new timeline is formed, an alternate reality is created with each choice we make…“If you decide to stick it out with the ex, turn to page 42… if you think you’ve tried enough and would rather give something else a shot turn to page 11.” Always, the goal is to find the longest, most fulfilling adventure possible…within the options presented to you. And we must choose wisely, because we are technologically incapable of going back, and we can never meet ourselves, nor visit the worlds which may or may not exist in which we made the other choice, hit or miss.

There’s a page somewhere where we’re holding hands and petting the giraffes(I need to get there!) In some other world perhaps we never crossed paths, a misplaced minute or two, a hesitating caution or hasty impatience could have made all the difference.

As a teeth-clenching Charton Heston wondered in Planet of the Apes(1968 version) “Where in the hell do we go from here?”

May 27, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

i’ve been passing time watching trains go by

So I have been causing wayyy too much mischief these last couple months. It’s going to come back to haunt me I know it. I need to just stay home and brush up on my “Choose Your Own Adventure” skills. Saturday Night, after the bar closed and everyone was standing around doing the outside part….I looked around and there was absolutely nothing but scuzzy dudes and riff raff left. These two not very pretty but sluttily dressed hispanic girls came out, whom you could tell probably barely spoke english, and as they walked by I said to one of them in a quiet but direct manner “Excuse me miss, excuse me miss… I just need to start a family with you when you get a moment” and she looked up at me, and I swear she got so mesmerized that she actually fell over. Actually though it was probably more a combination of her being wasted, stomping around in cheap “I got it at Ross” slutastic high heels, and the fact that she wasn’t watching where the “F” she was going.

Anyhow sensing the night was going nowhere I was ready to go home when two barely visible random girls pulled up in a car, and I just opened the back door and got in…which reminds me of that scene in the JohnnyCab from Total Recall:

johnny cab total recall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGHt1KLJcJI

Douglas Quaid: Where am I?
Johnnycab: You’re in a Johnnycab.
Douglas Quaid: I mean, what am I doing here?
Johnnycab: I’m sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
[Johnnycab rolls his eyes]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Shit! shit!
Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
[the taxicab pulls up]
Johnnycab: The fare is 18 credits, please.
[Quaid gets out]
Douglas Quaid: Sue me, dickhead!
[cab tries to run him down, crashes, and explodes]
Johnnycab: We hope you enjoyed the ride!

Anyhow, I had no idea who or what was in the car when I got in. It could have been Large Marge from Peewee’s Big Adventure for all I know. But to my pleasant surprise there was a really terrific looking girl driving…which actually made me think “oh shit! This girl is going to hate me because she will think I specifically meant to get into her car as some drunken asshole way of hitting on her.” But I wasn’t drunk. Only had a glass of merlot or two and felt desperately adventurous. Was fine with just being friends with her actually. So I just asked her if she would give me a ride to my car in the parking lot that was about 200 feet away. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that with girls you never want to overstay your welcome. When you meet a cool girl, and she’s polite and friendly, don’t ruin it by staying and bothering her too long when there’s nothing more to talk about and it just gets awkward. Just say a few words and be on your way. When I got out of the car I just said “Here, have some promotional materials” and gave them one of my uniquely shaped RandomBrandon cards and that was that. I drove home, ate a bowl of chocolate cheerios and passed out.

April 12, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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