i’ve been passing time watching trains go by

So I have been causing wayyy too much mischief these last couple months. It’s going to come back to haunt me I know it. I need to just stay home and brush up on my “Choose Your Own Adventure” skills. Saturday Night, after the bar closed and everyone was standing around doing the outside part….I looked around and there was absolutely nothing but scuzzy dudes and riff raff left. These two not very pretty but sluttily dressed hispanic girls came out, whom you could tell probably barely spoke english, and as they walked by I said to one of them in a quiet but direct manner “Excuse me miss, excuse me miss… I just need to start a family with you when you get a moment” and she looked up at me, and I swear she got so mesmerized that she actually fell over. Actually though it was probably more a combination of her being wasted, stomping around in cheap “I got it at Ross” slutastic high heels, and the fact that she wasn’t watching where the “F” she was going.

Anyhow sensing the night was going nowhere I was ready to go home when two barely visible random girls pulled up in a car, and I just opened the back door and got in…which reminds me of that scene in the JohnnyCab from Total Recall:

johnny cab total recall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGHt1KLJcJI

Douglas Quaid: Where am I?
Johnnycab: You’re in a Johnnycab.
Douglas Quaid: I mean, what am I doing here?
Johnnycab: I’m sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
[Johnnycab rolls his eyes]
Johnnycab: Please state the street and number.
Douglas Quaid: Drive! drive!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Anywhere just go! Go!
Johnnycab: I’m not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: Shit! shit!
Johnnycab: Would you please repeat the destination?
Douglas Quaid: [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
[the taxicab pulls up]
Johnnycab: The fare is 18 credits, please.
[Quaid gets out]
Douglas Quaid: Sue me, dickhead!
[cab tries to run him down, crashes, and explodes]
Johnnycab: We hope you enjoyed the ride!

Anyhow, I had no idea who or what was in the car when I got in. It could have been Large Marge from Peewee’s Big Adventure for all I know. But to my pleasant surprise there was a really terrific looking girl driving…which actually made me think “oh shit! This girl is going to hate me because she will think I specifically meant to get into her car as some drunken asshole way of hitting on her.” But I wasn’t drunk. Only had a glass of merlot or two and felt desperately adventurous. Was fine with just being friends with her actually. So I just asked her if she would give me a ride to my car in the parking lot that was about 200 feet away. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that with girls you never want to overstay your welcome. When you meet a cool girl, and she’s polite and friendly, don’t ruin it by staying and bothering her too long when there’s nothing more to talk about and it just gets awkward. Just say a few words and be on your way. When I got out of the car I just said “Here, have some promotional materials” and gave them one of my uniquely shaped RandomBrandon cards and that was that. I drove home, ate a bowl of chocolate cheerios and passed out.

April 12, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

in like flynn

So I got to see Neon Indian last night, which was great. It was crowded though and smokey so I left after a few songs. Man. people in Austin LOVE to smoke cigs. They are all so oblivious about it too. They are just like “hey I’m Texas! Fuck y’all. Eat my smoke!” It’s annoying because inhaling all their carbon monoxide wreaks havoc on my sinuses and makes me all mucousy.

So, as I was walking down 7th street toward the Beauty Bar, who did I run into but my old friend and roommate Abe from Treasure Mammal…who I lived with at Del Rio in Fall 2003. He was in town playing some shows. He asked me if I was playing, but I told him I was just here promoting stuff.

Also something amazing happened on Friday night I was strolling around 6th street in tourist hell…and I saw a dude that looked just like someone I knew back in the day…guitarist Dan Flynn. So texted Mark Schoenecker and told him there was a Flynn doppelganger at South By Southwest…and he was like “That’s Him!”

So I went up to him, and we bro’d out for a bit. Turns out he was here with his band “Kings Go Forth” to play a bunch of shows. They are playing at The Galaxy Room tonight so I have to remember to go. One time when we were kids he went to school with a girl that I liked…so I told Flynn to make up this story about how he and I were at a party together and that “some fresh girl was on my tip” in order to make her jealous or create the illusion that I was likable to the opposite sex. BUT what ended up happening is when he told her that in the cafeteria she was like “Brandon! I fucking hate that kid.” And she tried to get people to kick my ass…but they didn’t because one of the guys’ girlfriends went to MY school and she lived by me so I gave her a ride home everyday. True story.

Finally, last night the most outlandish thing happened: It was late at night, around 2 or , and I was watching drunk broads come out of the bar and eyeballing them…when a sober girl came up to me and said “what’s up”. So I said hi, and then she was like “Are you from Phoenix?” and I was like “yeah.”
She said she’s seen me around a lot, especially at Casey Moore’s! She thanked me for making the trip all the way out here and we high fived…which is as close as I got to a make out session last night as I wasn’t in the mood to bottom feed or settle because that just gives you buyer’s remorse later and makes you want to cry in the shower.

Today is cold as balls! and windy too

March 20, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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