blue as blank

Well, it’s getting to be hot as balls outside finally, which is a good thing from an allergy clearing/eye watery/sinus drainage standpoint at least. Where on Earth did the saying that something was “____ as balls” originate from anyways? I have no idea. It sounds pretty 90’s, and I use it way too much. Some of these crude old skateboarding phrases just become permanently ingrained in your psyche like a bad radio commercial(I love my Metropolitan Mattress…Maaatttressss!). It also doesn’t make sense really if you think about it. Something like “blue as balls” would be more intuitive. It could convey a sense of color AND be illustrative of one’s mood. “You’re eyes are blue as balls. They tell me everything”.. (like a crystal ball!) Sounds like sort of a pickup line, albeit a highly ineffective one, most likely to be used by some veteran of the Scottsdale sports bar circuit. I fear this is turning into one of those all time pointless entries. You’re no doubt reading this and confirming to yourself that my fears are well founded. I almost want to backdate it so that it’s not the first entry that shows up. No worries though. I have a backlog of book reviews I’ve been meaning to post including such gems as “Chariots of the Gods” by Erich Von Daniken, “We Are Doomed” by John Derbyshire,various actor biographies(Robert Wagner, Chevy Chase, Dustin Diamond and some others.) I’ve been bogged down in allergic hell lately, which has slowed down my writing as it’s tough to pontificate thoughtfully and sneeze uncontrollably at the same time. BUT I’m coming out of it, rounding the corner and ready to emerge into some fresh hell, the genetic or molecular makeup of which has yet to be determined….

though I’m certain it will be felt within the context of the Phoenix nightlife. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to spend the next 3 hours watching The Fall of the Roman Empire, which I hear is going to take place on my TV screen, and is going to be caused by a certain xenophobic centurion pushing play on his dvd player..

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April 29, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

Once, Twice, Three Times, I’d put a baby in Lady Gaga

Something amazing happened a couple of weeks ago while I was in Las Vegas for the CES show. As I was lying in my hotel room one night watching tv at the mid-tier “Flamingo” establishment located on the strip, somewhere deep in my mind I began to of all things… develop a bizarre crush. It happened when the hokey local newscasters put a picture up on the screen of Lady Gaga at the CES show. They did it presumably to make light of her (in their view) preposterous hairdo and bold fashion statement…comparing her on the air to a peacock or some suck creature( by far not the worst animal for a girl to be compared to.)

lady gaga ces polaroid

To me though she seemed beautiful, a larger than life figure wrapped up into a little Tootsie Roll Pop package. If we lived in a monarchy she would be fit to be queen. She kind of reminds me of a comic book super hero(or villainess) sort of like a younger version of Monica Vitti(“there is a sting in my tail!”) as she starred in the 1966 classic “Modesty Blaise,” an all time favorite of mine.

Anyhow, since that moment when she showed up on my screen, I have been all sorts of romantic non-pervy daydreams about her. This sort of thing is reminiscent of the time I developed an innocent yet major crush on the video game character “Rydia” from Final Fantasy II for Super Nintendo some years ago…or harkens back to the days of E/N when I developed a superficially romantic interest in the legendary camgirl “Charisma” of the long defunct Charismama.com.

But here I find myself all over again in 2010 with Lady Gaga. And yes I realize that in many a sense she’s the antithesis of a dude like me. A great singer for one, she’s a product of the world of catchy overproduced pop run through computers and set to a backdrop of oozing sexuality and “what will she do next?” sellout show hobaggery. A bisexual icon of the gay community(some even claim she’s a hermaphrodite,) Lady Gaga actually admires Ellen Degeneres and is by all accounts your average hardcore east coast liberal celeb example of the parallel track modern day America is on with the Fall of the Roman Empire. I probably have more in common with Charles Manson than Lady Gaga, for as Charles and I would both say “Man, I don’t live in that world.”

But here’s the thing, I don’t care.

I like Lady Gaga anyway. She’s awesome. And there is always a subtle underlying romance that occurs in a story between the archetype romantic male hero and his arch enemy, the sadistic femme fatale….or between the feminist female heroine and the creepy criminal mastermind(depending on your point of reference.)

I can say right now though, at this moment, with barely a hint of understated sarcasm in my voice …that I am in love with Lady Gaga! Let there be no doubt she is the undisputed epitome of female perfection!

January 27, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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