Sooooo, many years ago I was getting a lap dance at “the body shop” in Los Angeles, and the stripper told me I reminded her of the guy from American Psycho(not Christian Bale the actor but the actual character from the story.) Years later, I randomly ran into this same girl in Tempe and recognized her(I never forget a face even a stripper one.) She invited me to her apartment, and we were sitting on her couch. She asked me if she could slap me in the face really hard and told me it would turn her on. So I was like “sure why not I’m down to experiment.” She hit me pretty hard like fight club almost and the left side of my face stung so bad. It did absolutely nothing for me sexually so I guess I’m not one of those masochist guys or anything. Maybe it would have been different if I was more attracted to the girl and there was some passion but this chick had some rough miles on her. Then one time even later I was with my girlfriend at target and I saw this girl there in the dresses section. We didn’t even acknowledge each other(my jealous gf at the time would have thrown a fit) despite our long history. Anyway I’m not sure why I thought of this bizarre story just now but it is 100% true.
In fact, I vaguely wrote about it at least once or twice before in 2005:
I wonder what the hell happened to her.
Here is a note I found in my closet, which I wrote to my grandparents
when they moved away in 1986:
Shane and I stayed up all night playing “Kid Chameleon” for Sega Genesis, one of the hardest games of all time. We got to like level 70 after playing several hours, and that was as far as we got. When you’ve lost all your lives and used up a couple of meager continues it just goes back to the title screen. It’s just merciless.
We got to Fashion Square mall when it opened, and we ate at the Mexican food place in the food court. Shane ordered something called “the champion” which turned out to be a gigantic burrito. When he got it he was shocked and a little embarrassed by how truly enormous it was. He didn’t finish it.
We went and saw “The Princess Diaries.” I had just bought a huge thing of diet pepsi from the food court, and they wouldn’t let me take it in the theater. However, I was not to be denied. Shane and I went outside the mall and successfully sneaked into the theater from some random door outside, all just so I could bring my diet pepsi in.
“The Princess Diaries” was actually a pretty good movie, but it made me kind of sad because I lived in Los Angeles when they were filming it. Also I love those cute teen movies, but they always make me think of my own lost youth, wasted time and unfulfilled dreams.