The other summer, in Arizona I was sentenced to the chair…

Last night I had dinner at LGO with girl. We split an avocado pizza and discussed taxidermy. We went for a long walk through a few of the condos and townhomes in the area(three fountains, olive square, williamsburg square.) Then we drove around for a while through a slightly seedier part of town and as we passed a bowling alley, we decided to go bowling…only when we got inside they asked for IDs. Since when do you have to be 21 to get into a bowling alley? The chick at the door said that they turn the place into a club on Wednesdays, and so we decided that bowling alley on club night would not be a cool place, and would undoubtedly be filled with some of the wackest people imaginable…given the location of said bowling alley and demographics of the local area. So we bought some wine and went back to my house to use my glow in the dark Oujia board only when we got there I couldn’t find the cursed thing. We ended up playing a game of Stratego instead, which was pretty fun, except that my opponent didn’t realize that the bombs were supposed to be immobile and used as booby traps, and so she was moving them to explode my major and colonels. We then listened to the entire soundtrack of Modesty Blaise three times:

She is the shadow on your bedroom wall,
she is the dream you never found.
But then you’ll find no time to dream at all,
whenever Modesty’s round.

She’ll strike you dumb with just a single glance,
Or just a single glancing blow.
Exactly why she slays so many men
No man alive will ever know.

Modesty! Modesty!

She’ll turn your head,
Though she may use a judo hold.
And on her shoulder is a chip made of solid gold.

June 11, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

Once, Twice, Three Times, I’d put a baby in Lady Gaga

Something amazing happened a couple of weeks ago while I was in Las Vegas for the CES show. As I was lying in my hotel room one night watching tv at the mid-tier “Flamingo” establishment located on the strip, somewhere deep in my mind I began to of all things… develop a bizarre crush. It happened when the hokey local newscasters put a picture up on the screen of Lady Gaga at the CES show. They did it presumably to make light of her (in their view) preposterous hairdo and bold fashion statement…comparing her on the air to a peacock or some suck creature( by far not the worst animal for a girl to be compared to.)

lady gaga ces polaroid

To me though she seemed beautiful, a larger than life figure wrapped up into a little Tootsie Roll Pop package. If we lived in a monarchy she would be fit to be queen. She kind of reminds me of a comic book super hero(or villainess) sort of like a younger version of Monica Vitti(“there is a sting in my tail!”) as she starred in the 1966 classic “Modesty Blaise,” an all time favorite of mine.

Anyhow, since that moment when she showed up on my screen, I have been all sorts of romantic non-pervy daydreams about her. This sort of thing is reminiscent of the time I developed an innocent yet major crush on the video game character “Rydia” from Final Fantasy II for Super Nintendo some years ago…or harkens back to the days of E/N when I developed a superficially romantic interest in the legendary camgirl “Charisma” of the long defunct Charismama.com.

But here I find myself all over again in 2010 with Lady Gaga. And yes I realize that in many a sense she’s the antithesis of a dude like me. A great singer for one, she’s a product of the world of catchy overproduced pop run through computers and set to a backdrop of oozing sexuality and “what will she do next?” sellout show hobaggery. A bisexual icon of the gay community(some even claim she’s a hermaphrodite,) Lady Gaga actually admires Ellen Degeneres and is by all accounts your average hardcore east coast liberal celeb example of the parallel track modern day America is on with the Fall of the Roman Empire. I probably have more in common with Charles Manson than Lady Gaga, for as Charles and I would both say “Man, I don’t live in that world.”

But here’s the thing, I don’t care.

I like Lady Gaga anyway. She’s awesome. And there is always a subtle underlying romance that occurs in a story between the archetype romantic male hero and his arch enemy, the sadistic femme fatale….or between the feminist female heroine and the creepy criminal mastermind(depending on your point of reference.)

I can say right now though, at this moment, with barely a hint of understated sarcasm in my voice …that I am in love with Lady Gaga! Let there be no doubt she is the undisputed epitome of female perfection!

January 27, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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