Guard well this shield. For one day it will guard your life

I attempted to clean out my room today, but about 15 minutes into it…I discovered The Zombies greatest hits cd that Brandie(an infamous ex from several years back who later became a reliable if completely invisible friend) gave me for Christmas in 2004. And so of course I got sidetracked and ended up dancing on my bed in my underwear(and an American Apparel tanktop) for about 45 minutes. I kind of wish I would have gotten it on video, but then again I kind of don’t. Lately my days are filled with such shenanigans. I conduct almost all my important art related business from my cellphone on the roof of the parking garage at Fashion Square Mall. A lot of Scottsdale girls walk by and either smile or scowl at me, but as of yet no one as ever bothered to ask me what the fuck I’m doing there.

Yesterday, I helped Jonathan put up his posters and promote his album. There was one that needed to be placed in a prominent position on Mill Ave, but he was too scared to put it up there because there are usually bike cops everywhere and he was afraid of getting fined…so I decided to run for it and just tape that sucker up, but before I did I quoted Laurence Olivier from Clash of the Titans(1981 version) and said “Fortune is ally to the brave.” It’s a quote that always seems to jump in my mind in critical moments of decision making or hesitation. I’m almost always the designated person who has to go up to a group of girls cold and talk to them, and pave the way for my friends. I will find any excuse to talk to them, and if I do not have one i will simply make something up. Life is too short to care about what some girl thinks of you, and most of the ones you meet turn out to be dumb as bags of hammers anyway. At best they tend to be unimaginitive and uninspiring. Not all of them though, and of course some of them, the most dangerous ones…you do care what they think. And so bravery does not come without wounds and battle scars.

But anyway, back to COTT. I had a Clash of the Titans lunchbox when I was a kid. That movie, like many others from when I was a child, became and archetype for the way I felt relationships and love should be….which of course causes a lot of problems. That’s how I always imagined it’s supposed to be, Perseus and Andromeda. Just solve the riddle, vanquish Calibos(who represents problem exes who make trouble or just scumbag competition), cut off Medusa’s head and defeat the Kraken, and the beautiful princess is yours. If only it could be that easy in real life, where you can just go on a quest and destroy some mythical beasts and walk away with the girl! Somebody lend me a helmet, a sword, a shield! I’m ready for anything, anything except the all too familiar experience of females analyzing every given suitor to death. There is nothing harder than having to shield my heart from the analytical superpowers of those few supremely likable females. I would rather do battle with cyclops’ and swordfight with skeleton kings. But I do what I must, because I am eternally courageous, which is often merely a euphemism for foolish.

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May 31, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

blue as blank

Well, it’s getting to be hot as balls outside finally, which is a good thing from an allergy clearing/eye watery/sinus drainage standpoint at least. Where on Earth did the saying that something was “____ as balls” originate from anyways? I have no idea. It sounds pretty 90’s, and I use it way too much. Some of these crude old skateboarding phrases just become permanently ingrained in your psyche like a bad radio commercial(I love my Metropolitan Mattress…Maaatttressss!). It also doesn’t make sense really if you think about it. Something like “blue as balls” would be more intuitive. It could convey a sense of color AND be illustrative of one’s mood. “You’re eyes are blue as balls. They tell me everything”.. (like a crystal ball!) Sounds like sort of a pickup line, albeit a highly ineffective one, most likely to be used by some veteran of the Scottsdale sports bar circuit. I fear this is turning into one of those all time pointless entries. You’re no doubt reading this and confirming to yourself that my fears are well founded. I almost want to backdate it so that it’s not the first entry that shows up. No worries though. I have a backlog of book reviews I’ve been meaning to post including such gems as “Chariots of the Gods” by Erich Von Daniken, “We Are Doomed” by John Derbyshire,various actor biographies(Robert Wagner, Chevy Chase, Dustin Diamond and some others.) I’ve been bogged down in allergic hell lately, which has slowed down my writing as it’s tough to pontificate thoughtfully and sneeze uncontrollably at the same time. BUT I’m coming out of it, rounding the corner and ready to emerge into some fresh hell, the genetic or molecular makeup of which has yet to be determined….

though I’m certain it will be felt within the context of the Phoenix nightlife. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to spend the next 3 hours watching The Fall of the Roman Empire, which I hear is going to take place on my TV screen, and is going to be caused by a certain xenophobic centurion pushing play on his dvd player..

April 29, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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