Rudd Lives

Well, well, well. I want to welcome Rudd to allthingsdark. He is also going to be writing for the site. expect his first post sometime later tonight. Rudd writing for this site is important for several reasons.

 
1.He is part of the “good guy club”(more on this later)
2.The site will be updated more frequently
3. The updates will not become just me babbling excessively about how i got mad because some girl likes tacky and ridiculous things.
4.Gay men over at validatethis are attracted to rudd so they will be pleased.
5. Maybe rudd will finally learn to appreciate the value of this precious commodity known as the interweb

oh and go visit Lydia’s site because I have decided she is a cute ginger girl, and i like the layout and theme of her site, and well she’s my favorite girl this week even though she likes mariah carey which is pretty lame,(but you can’t have everything) and people can like whoever/whatever they want since after all i like “ace of base” and that show “Even Stevens” on Disney’s “Zoog” or whatever completely without any shame.

Despair for men, ‘half the man you used to be’

well, we here at allthingsdark.com have decided to offer you our very own new brand of scent for the male. It all started when Rudd told rick and i that if there was a scent to decribe me it would be “despair”, making reference to a possible new cologne for men. Since this idea originated from rudd i found it only fair that he would be the model in the very first “despair for men” ad(picture above).

 

 

 

 

Is despair for men right for me?

 

despair for men is recommended for any of the following people

1. A cop who has been thrown off the force for accidentally shooting an unarmed teenager and the wife and children have left him, and he has taken to the bottle
2. high school kid or 23 year old who never ever ever gets the girl even though he saw movies like “better off dead” and “valley girl” and that proves he should get the girl cause life is supposed to have happy endings damnit
3. A stock broker who has to go home and explain to his wife that they lost everything
4. A guy who loses all his money in las vegas, and then ends up oweing money to the loansharks who gave him more money to gamble when he ran out
5. Any guy in a relationship with a “busy girl”(nevermind)
6. Any guy who suspects his girlfriend may be cheating on him, or wanting to or dreaming of cheating on him
7. Guys with suicide fantasies and daydreams about how cool it would be etc.
8. straight guys who live in predominantly gay areas because gay men are creepy for the most part(sorry rick), but you can’t call me a homophobe because “i have a lot of gay friends” and lesbians are okay if they are feminine plus they are a challenge (even though it is unnatural)
9. guys who are hypochondriacs and always think they are sick
11. guys who are poor and starving to death
12. any guy who was laid off from any job
13. all of the above!

So, now i know some of you are dying to purchase this stuff so you can put out the scent and plant your seed in some girl who feels sorry for you, or is tricked into thinking you’re the man you once were thanks to the camouflaging abilities despair for men will have to give the appearance of a more superficial personality. Enjoy!

diet pepsi and the champion

Shane and I stayed up all night playing “Kid Chameleon” for Sega Genesis, one of the hardest games of all time. We got to like level 70 after playing several hours, and that was as far as we got. When you’ve lost all your lives and used up a couple of meager continues it just goes back to the title screen. It’s just merciless.

We got to Fashion Square mall when it opened, and we ate at the Mexican food place in the food court. Shane ordered something called “the champion” which turned out to be a gigantic burrito. When he got it he was shocked and a little embarrassed by how truly enormous it was. He didn’t finish it.

We went and saw “The Princess Diaries.” I had just bought a huge thing of diet pepsi from the food court, and they wouldn’t let me take it in the theater. However, I was not to be denied. Shane and I went outside the mall and successfully sneaked into the theater from some random door outside, all just so I could bring my diet pepsi in.

“The Princess Diaries” was actually a pretty good movie, but it made me kind of sad because I lived in Los Angeles when they were filming it. Also I love those cute teen movies, but they always make me think of my own lost youth, wasted time and unfulfilled dreams.

i am in love with a video game character!

I have become obsessed
with the girl rydia from ff4 for the SNES. It has got to the point
where i no longer have any interest in real life girls, and i only
compare them with rydia. I know this is probabaly not healthy and you
probably think i need a different kind of help if you know what i
mean. I found this group as i was searching for scientists and
technology on how to transfer human consciousness to a computer and i
figured man if they could figure out how to do that then they can
probably send me into a video game ROM. Of course i know they cannot
do this yet(perhaps we are thousands of years away), but surely there
must be someone working on it. I need to get in contact with these
people and find out how far they are along. I was thinking if i could
hack a sprite that resembled me into the games rom and was able to
transfer my consciousness to it that it just might be possible to
seek out the affection of the ginger rydia. I know you probably think
i’m crazy, but any help in this matter would be appreciated.