You’re Holding Your Rabbit All Wrong

On a whim I bought a plane ticket and am headed to Los Angeles for the weekend to visit some old friends and attend some parties. I apologize in advance for the run on sentence, but I can’t wait to wander around my old stomping ground in West Hollywood and have clueless jock assholes from Orange County and Mexican gangster hooligans wearing thrift store bought B.U.M. equipment hooded sweatshirts drive by and yell “faggot” while texting misspelled or abbreviated romantic messages to their soon to be pregnant with their second child girlfriends as I’m walking to Astro Burger to get a delicious ostrich hamburger. Ah the good old days. I love few things more than Los Angeles. Yet as I stroll down Sunset Blvd I don’t see any of the tacky billboards, ghetto advertisements, or riff raff milling about. All I see is the Sunset Strip, it’s 1966, and I’m on my way to Galaxy or Hullaballoo to see “The Palace Guard” or “Love” or Sky Saxon and “The Seeds.” I can’t hear any of the bass speakers and blaring hip hop music, the sounds emanating from rows of bumping Toyota Prius’ zipping by are drowned out by the roar of ’63 Chevy Impalas cruising past “It’s Boss” looking to make time with some as yet unknown chicks. Oh but snap out of it. Really I’m just going to Poquito Mas for some enchiladas.

Without going light speed into the future, my walking the sunset strip is as close as you can get to actual time travel…at least the sort of poor man’s time travel that was utilized so effectively in that movie with Christopher Reeve, Somewhere in Time. You know the one where he just sort of lays around in bed and thinks really hard…and suddenly… poof! presto!

There are few things I love more than Los Angeles the way I re-imagine it.

September 1, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Time Machine Daydream

brandon adamson dawn batson

Dawn Batson dredged up this photo of me at Harlowe’s from when she came to visit in December of 2006.When I see it, all I can think is “such innocent times.” Dreary to see a photo like this really. I feel like I need to time travel back there to my diet depsi drinking, cream chipped beef on toast eating self and save him from the smirk on his face.

Dear December 29, 2006 Self,

“Young man, you have no sense of what hellish things awaiteth you these next couple years. You’re going to experience whirlwind romances, unconditional love and romantic tumultuity the likes of which you have not yet seen. You will finally win over the girl of your dreams, an astonishing achievement by 2006 standards. But if dreams can come true, then nightmares can too. I know what you’re thinking…but yes you still can and will feel pain from broken heartedness. You will discover there are other ways for relationships to go badly than what you are familiar with. Right now you think it’s so hard to find someone that you love who actually loves you back just as equally. Well, I got news for you, pal, it turns out that’s only the first step! There are so many other variables in the equation, that you are simply not prepared to deal with grasshopper.

If all that were not bad enough, you’re also going to have ultrasounds, CT scans, endless anxiety, and eventual scrotum surgery to deal with that mysterious third testicle you’ve always been worried about in the back of your mind and is probably giving you discomfort at this very moment.

Most of your friends will have gotten married or essentially vanished from the world as you know it, and having blown your own chance you’ll be flying on your own…one of the last to remain, like “Bear” from the 1978 movie “Big Wednesday.” You are going to experience many unpleasantries and suck ass things. You should just immortalize yourself forever in that pose and call it a day. Oh and after breakfast Dawn and Ferraby are going to ask you if you want to come back to L.A. with them for New Years Eve. You should do it because your new years eve is going to blow otherwise. You’re not going to get to makeout with anyone at midnight, and the one girl at the party who wants to is underage and not the one you want.”

February 6, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Comments off.

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